#1
:] I'm in love. be as critical as you want. pop punk. the bridge tones down with like a reggae beat and guitar and its sung as kind of a rap.

Verse 1:
the clock on my walls ticking way too slow
your still getting ready but i want to go
ive been playing halo for an hour or two
id much rather be out wasting time with you

Verse 2:
i stumble out of bed you say come on
your big cheesy smile says that you want fun
we go to a punk rock show get in for free
i swear to god that this is meant to be

Chorus:
i just cant wait to
go out with you
its just not fair that these nights ever have to end
im so anxious
i think i must
be going insane because you are my girlfriend

Verse 3:
you catch me off guard saying i love you
but i dont care because i know its true
theres not another girl i wanna see
hanging out and having fun with me

Chorus:
i just cant wait to
go out with you
its just not fair that these nights ever have to end
im so anxious
i think i must
be going insane because you are my girlfriend

Bridge:
forever never sounded better
conversations about whether
shes so awesome i dont get her
i dont think i could regret her
wasting time with hers amazing
shes has got to think im crazy
there is nothing better to do
i cant wait to, i cant wait to

Chorus:
i just cant wait to
go out with you
its just not fair that these nights ever have to end
im so anxious
i think i must
be going insane because you are my girlfriend
#2
i like it dude. much better than what i wrote for my girl.
Jesus wouldn't give you the sweat off of his balls if you were dying of thirst.
Quote by Code-E
God, you've gotta be UG's only moron!


Quote by magnum1117
that's right,you certainly are UG's only moron.


Quote by necrosis1193
Read the moron's posts, ironically enough he knows what he says.
#4
congrats man, im happy for you. just remember how it is now and how she can make you feel so you can look back to remind you if you ever need it.

as for the song, well you showed us how much you like being with her and how she makes you feel. i guess that should be enough for us to believe that in your shoes she is amazing. im sure she will like it. do you have it recorded?
#5
conversations about whether

That is pretty disposable.

The only thing I didn't like through the whole song was saying "wasting time with her" so much. I mean, is it really a waste of time? "spending time" is much better.

But, yeah. This is songwriting at it's very simplest, and to some, it's most effective.

Keep writing. You'll learn how to improve on this in time. Potential is there.
#6
could you take a look at mine and do a little crit .. havent got any replies on my most recent one yet and its slipping away.

one here

and one here

theres two that ive done .. if you can, do a crit on whatever. if not, dont worry about it.