#1
crit4crit
I FAILED A PERSONALITY TEST

The pictures in your alley
The miles on your caddy
That drove you to the chalk

Driven to the parlor ground
I'm the dead-end drive that routes
The lost lust of bus stops

Your wife calls me when she's lonely
But I only speak in walkie-talk

Personality quizzes
Buried the answers
So I'll question you honey
Can you dig it?


Your Lady Luck makes me cum
As she jams police guns
With dances and pimp walks

What good are dead institutes
When skin and bone prostitutes
Have phone sex with the cops

Your wife calls me when she's lonely
But I only speak in walkie-talk

Personality quizzes
Buried the answers
So I'll question you honey
Can you dig it?
#2
i can dig it...lol

i liked this...reminds me of a dick tracy comic gone foul through poetic blends.
in all seriousness though, the only thing that really bothered me was that you never put the "ie" on the ends of walkie-talkie. if intentional, whatever, but aside from that - very good.

if you want, take stab at mine:
To Read Aloud for Anne
#3
I like it, but in the same its an odd poem

the can you dig it kinda makes it seem like its funny 9dont ask me why, its the vibe i get)

but i can see it as a slower mellow song with a sof tcan you dig it in parts

good rhyjmes when you had them

good job
crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=815431
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#4
i like it, its got a good kind of 20s feel like that guy said, kinda dick tracy like. the can you dig it thing reminds me of beatnicks, im not sure if thats good or bad. have you thought of making the verses into quatrains instead of having 3 lines? it seems like its missing a rhyme. the syllable pattern is a little messed, but overall its pretty good.
#5
Haha, this is actually most excellent, a very different piece from what a lot of I read.
This is a lot different from my personal style, so its hard for me to really say what needs to be changed - you get the atmosphere across well, and your style is very consistent.
A little more rhyme, in my opinion, would be pretty nice - however, thats just me. If this is what your after man, go for it.
10/10.
-D