#1
Hey everybody. This is the lyrics of a song of mine called Happyness no. 5 / Happiness is in your heart (as suggested in the title...Cpt. Obvious). It is in a series of 7 songs about happiness, different perspectives, different aspects; which I've done with 2 of them.

Anyways, enjoy and feel free to comment.

Happyness no. 5 / Happiness is in your heart

‘Cause I don’t really know what it takes to be any happier?
Upon the matter of time and place, does it matter at all if its love?

It was one pretty morning filled with heavy pouring rain
Thunder rolling, lighting striking but life wasn’t such a pain
Scattering through the rain as if it was a big deal
In the search of happiness, so perfect and so ideal

Could you be soaking in the rain without feeling damp?
Could there be thundering yet there’d be a peaceful mind?
Could you take that blazing lightning just like a spark of life?
Could you enjoy that simple happiness?

A pretty smile
A gentle kiss
Could make up your distressed day
A tender touch
Sweet fuzzy hugs
The warmth of your heart makes you so bright
Cos they say those who bring
Sunshine to others
Can’t keep it away
So my dear
Keep that in mind
That happiness is in your heart.


The clock struck four, still not in bed,
The silence repeated itself
Been holding this guitar for 8 hours straight
I’d say I was rather stressed
The song was ugly and incomplete
The music was such a mess
Crushed and crumbled traits of failure
Lying all over the floor
Of great happiness and expectation,
My god, I scratched more than I wrote


Like a little child, doodling with paint
I enjoyed my waste of time
Little I knew how much had I taken for granted
For the thought it could’ve much been better
That one was an ugly effort
Cos the light don’t seem so bright until the dark night falls

If nothing seems to last forever and everything’s soon to be gone
I don’t know what it takes to keep that lovely smile on

I don’t need no
Falling stars
No soaring words
Nor hearts of gold
I just want
A time bubble
Wrapped in the pink sleeve
Of happiness
How long would it take
For me to realize
That happiness is in the heart?


A pretty smile
A gentle kiss
Could make up your distress day
A tender touch
Sweet fuzzy hugs
The warmth of heart makes you so bright
Cos they say those who bring
Sunshine to others
Can’t keep it away
So my dear
Keep that in mind
That happiness is in your heart.
My Spanish Hearts
#3
sorry buddy, but if you're looking for just any comment, you should do the standard crit for crit (C4C) around here. if you're looking for more than just any standard comment, well theres more luck (and skill too) invovled when it comes to that. youre at zero responses and i know the disappointment... plus you still dont seem to know which perspective of happiness to follow, so ill try to post a comment for you.


your song seems good to me. theres a healthy mix of imagery and comparisons with some more straight-forward sort of story telling throughout, all representing something a little deeper. i liked the line "Cos the light don’t seem so bright until the dark night falls" because of the imagery and meaning i see behind it. you could probably work on grammar and vocab, learning to make certain lines like that one match the meaning behind it with better use of words as long as it still flows with your music. i also liked the stanza near the beginning where you were asking questions.

overall pretty good .. i guess you can work on better vocab and grammar to help achieve even better use of imagery and comparisons among other things, making for some really great imaginative lines, because it seems youre capable of it. do you have any of your songs made and recorded somewhere? and also, what kind of music is it?
#4
^ its folk-ish pop rock

thanks a lot for the advises

well I'm not a native speaker and i realize that my grammar is terrible
My Spanish Hearts
#5
i figured you might not be a native speaker of english and your grammar isnt terrible. i was just trying to come up with something that could help take your writings to a higher level.

anyways, could you take a look at mine and do a little crit .. havent got any replies on my most recent one yet and its slipping away.

one here

and one here

theres two that ive done .. if you can, do a crit on whatever. if not, dont worry about it.