Page 1 of 3
#1
I can't tell if this is disturbingly sad, or hilariously awesome.

Here goes,

After band practice was over and only me (guitarist), and my friend (singer), were left, and we decided to go to the park to write songs. A friendly looking african american child walks up to us and, for reasons that are beyond me, asks us if we are rappers. I have hair 2 feet long and I wear a trenchcoat, and I had my acoustic guitar with me at the time. My friend is one of the whitest people on earth, also has long hair. We do not look like rappers. I told him we were anyway.

So he would occasionally come over to help us write a song by giving us song topics. He is about 11 so, of course, they all had something to do with sex. Previous to all of this, we had had a discussion over what would be the youngest girl you would date. We're all about 15, and we all said we'd date a 13 year old, except for him, who said he would date a 12 year old. So of course, we proceed to call him a pedophile for the rest of the day.

Tired of this kid talking about sex nonstop, he asked him how old he was and if he even knew what sex is. The kid said 11, I made another remark about my friend being a pedophile, and I decided to write down pedophile on the list of things we could write about.

At the sound of the word pedophile, the kid freezes, with the look of a puppy brought to terms with his mortality. He has nunchucks around his neck (and they are pretty heavy). He takes them and starts beating my friend, screaming at him to stop raping little kids. My friend just cowers in the corner, he's not going to hit an 11 year old, and I am laughing uncontrollably.

Eventually, I had to convince him that I would give my friend a stern talking to about child rape, and he decided to leave. He heard us laughing, turned and ran back, and started hitting him again saying, "You think this is funny!?!" When he finally left, we hadn't really written anything, and it started to rain, so we took solace in the public restroom that smelled heavily of urine.

I ask you pit,
was it wrong of me to just sit there and laugh while my friend took a pummeling from a child?
was it wrong of me to call him a pedophile all day?
was it wrong of me to write a song later, dedicated to pedophilia?
and
was it wrong of me to post this in the pit as it is not as funny as I feel it is?


Also, I apologize for the length of the post.
O.o

Lets have a sexy partay!


Quote by R_U_READY?
brutal cabbage you sire are, in all sense of the word, a LEGEND no abbreviation can portray the hilarity of what u hav bequeathed to us, i love you for this


I am loved!
#2
Cool.
I didn't read the post because it seemed long and uninteresting.
I judge I was correct in these assumptions.
I am always correct.
derp
lol u have faggot in ur username


Quote by Jack Off Jill
You know, if you, Silent Deftone and I get together.. We'd be unstoppable at the night clubs.


Everything I say is to be taken as serious fucking business.
#3
Brotha got 11-year-oldwned.
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#5

Epic story is epic. I'd probably have sat there laughing for a while, too, but I'd eventually pull the kid off.
#6
Quote by Kensai
Brotha got 11-year-oldwned.


I can't pronounce "oldwned", it's kinda hard/
#7
brutal cabbage you sire are, in all sense of the word, a LEGEND no abbreviation can portray the hilarity of what u hav bequeathed to us, i love you for this
#10
Is your friend into being dominated?
Quote by Angels Fighter
we once had night of just slapping each others ass. Is that incest?


call me evan.

bass militia's pretentious dick. pm dinkydaisy.

the trap i set for you seems to've caught my leg instead.

<meh> I'm pro black penis in my bum
#11
Holy **** that's hilarious.
Gear:
Fender Standard HSS Strat w/ Tone Zone bridge
ESP Ltd EC-1k Black cherry
Carvin DC127 blackburst with Bareknuckle Warpigs
Peavey 6505+
#12
Quote by Mike!
I can't pronounce "oldwned", it's kinda hard/


Try saying it really fast. While drunk. "Oldwned!"
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#13
Quote by BrutalCabbage


I ask you pit,
was it wrong of me to just sit there and laugh while my friend took a pummeling from a child?
was it wrong of me to call him a pedophile all day?
was it wrong of me to write a song later, dedicated to pedophilia?
and
was it wrong of me to post this in the pit as it is not as funny as I feel it is?


Also, I apologize for the length of the post.


no
no
no
no

and a quality post like that can be forgiven for length
Quote by Mr. La Fritz
"all fatties report to the gym!"


Quote by mosh_face

music should only sound like a train running into a wall of BC riches plugged into line 6 spiders
#14
Quote by R_U_READY?
brutal cabbage you sire are, in all sense of the word, a LEGEND no abbreviation can portray the hilarity of what u hav bequeathed to us, i love you for this



lol i had to sig this
O.o

Lets have a sexy partay!


Quote by R_U_READY?
brutal cabbage you sire are, in all sense of the word, a LEGEND no abbreviation can portray the hilarity of what u hav bequeathed to us, i love you for this


I am loved!
#16
that attempt to be sigged was more obvious than my desire to fondle scrotums
derp
lol u have faggot in ur username


Quote by Jack Off Jill
You know, if you, Silent Deftone and I get together.. We'd be unstoppable at the night clubs.


Everything I say is to be taken as serious fucking business.
#18
Quote by rorythefaggot
that attempt to be sigged was more obvious than my desire to fondle scrotums


let's not get carried away here, it wasn't thaaat obvious
Quote by Mr. La Fritz
"all fatties report to the gym!"


Quote by mosh_face

music should only sound like a train running into a wall of BC riches plugged into line 6 spiders
#19
Quote by rorythefaggot
Cool.
I didn't read the post because it seemed long and uninteresting.
I judge I was correct in these assumptions.
I am always correct.
Sorry rory. I've not seen you judge on such matters in the past, so I can't verify.
But as of now, I can attest to a success rate of 1 for 1. Kudos, man.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#20
Quote by Beakwithteeth
Do you absolutely HAVE to be drunk? I think I got it, but I am not drunk so maybe I don't.


Look buddy, do I tell you how to do your job? No, you have to be completely wasted. And post some video clips!
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#21
That is hilarious
i would probably laugh too
unless
i was getting beaten
Guitars:
'13 MIM Fender Strat - '05 Epi G-400
Amps:
Fender HRD - VHT Special 6 Ultra -
Jet City JCA20H - Mesa Rectifier 2x12
Pedulz:
Slash Wah - OCD v1.7 - Red Llama MKII -
Big Muff Pi - Carbon Copy - Phase 90 - Ditto Looper
#22
Quote by rorythefaggot
that attempt to be sigged was more obvious than my desire to fondle scrotums


i may actually have to sig this one...
Quote by Mr. La Fritz
"all fatties report to the gym!"


Quote by mosh_face

music should only sound like a train running into a wall of BC riches plugged into line 6 spiders
#25
I was hoping for a video, though.
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#26
My god, the pear would be so useful here...
Current Gear:
LTD MH-400
PRS SE Custom 24 (Suhr SSH+/SSV)
Ibanez RG3120 Prestige (Dimarzio Titans)
Squier Vintage Modified 70s Jazz V
Audient iD22 interface
Peavey Revalver 4, UAD Friedman BE100/DS40
Adam S3A monitors
Quote by Anonden
You CAN play anything with anything....but some guitars sound right for some things, and not for others. Single coils sound retarded for metal, though those who are apeshit about harpsichord probably beg to differ.
#28
Quote by Beakwithteeth
Well I can't 'cuz I am teh Hardkore XxXStraightedgeXxX


Or maybe I will just concede that I cannot pronounce it correctly.


(the latter)

Of course you can't pronounce it correctly it's Swedish.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#29
Quote by Beakwithteeth
Put it on your Christmas list.


Really? Because I will. Right up there with world peace.

Not that I'll ever get that video

Quote by Jackal58
Of course you can't pronounce it correctly it's Swedish.


Nja det är nog mer engelskt.
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#30
Hmmm.....he carried nunchucks? Ive heard of carrying giant clocks around your neck, but nunchucks? Thats different......at least they were put to good use. =D
(\__|)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain World Domination.

92% of teenagers have moved on to rap. Sig this if you think most new popular music sucks.
#31
incredibly funny
I just hope the kid was just spazzy and not a former victim of abuse
#32
Quote by St. Angry
Hmmm.....he carried nunchucks? Ive heard of carrying giant clocks around your neck, but nunchucks? Thats different......at least they were put to good use. =D



I went to the ghetto my grandpa lives in, in san antonio at christmas
and I saw a huge black guy with a samurai sword on his back walking around the neighborhood
#33
Quote by Kensai
Really? Because I will. Right up there with world peace.

Not that I'll ever get that video


Nja det är nog mer engelskt.

Only if you're shitfaced.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#35
Quote by rebelmidget
I went to the ghetto my grandpa lives in, in san antonio at christmas
and I saw a huge black guy with a samurai sword on his back walking around the neighborhood



Why are Japaniese weapons suddenly popular items for everyday travel??
(\__|)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain World Domination.

92% of teenagers have moved on to rap. Sig this if you think most new popular music sucks.
#36
Quote by Jackal58
Only if you're shitfaced.


Way ahead of ya!
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#37
Quote by Kensai
Way ahead of ya!

Wanna bet.

Quote by St. Angry
Why are Japaniese weapons suddenly popular items for everyday travel??

Cause 2 sticks and a piece of string are available in anybodies ghetto.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#38
Carrying numchucks hahahah. Didn't have an orange band around his waist and eyes aswell did he?
#39
Quote by Jackal58
Wanna bet.


It's on, brotha!


No, not tonight. But some other night
I'm trying to compose a proffesional e-mail. I might stay up all night.
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
Page 1 of 3