#1
song about drug addiction, pretty straight forward, tell me what you think.

left to the wolves:

verse 1:
your withered hands, that leaves you bare,
with fresh slit wrists, and lies you wear,
the drugs they say , will stop the pain,
but this quick fix, is all in vain.

your vacant eyes we leave them here.
These rigid rules, we must adhere,
but we still want, to shift the blame,
we let you lay, sick, frail, and lame.

Chorus:
Left to the wolves,
to help with this,
insatiable
lust for quick bliss.

Verse 2:
Degenerate, we soon estrange,
from inner war, there is no change,
this crippling weight, we must contain,
within our minds, our true selves slain.

Chorus:
Left to the wolves,
to help with this,
insatiable
lust for quick bliss.

Bridge:
there must be something more,
than what we've come to know,
from they've what said before,
aggressions start to show.

Chorus:
Left to the wolves,
to help with this,
insatiable
lust for quick bliss.

Left out for the wolves,
to fix our savage thirst,
true fix that we all need
from your will, starts to burst.
Last edited by aaron6890 at Mar 22, 2008,
#2
Rhymins Schemes was beautiful,
the imagery you could fit into these simple verses were perfect

the chrous sounds a little like you stressed to rhyme like i do all the time

the bridge seemed good

the last line, could you please clear me up, i am confused and lost with it
are you saying that the persons will busted at the time of need? or did we need it and they lost it?

anyways, would you please take a look at mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=815431
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#4
Alright, thanks for clearing that up,

great job bro
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#5
First of all, I enjoyed reading this piece. I liked the rhyme scheme you used and I thought the flow was excellent. However, there are a few parts that could use some editing. In the first verse, i would replace "slit wrists" with "trackmarks". "Slit wrists" just seems too emo to me. I'm not trying to dis emo, but either way, I think "trackmarks" fits better with the whole drug theme. Also in the next stanza "I would replace "an empty shell" or something like "Just a junkie". "Empty shell just seems a little cliche to me. Also I think the entire bridge needs to be changed. The lyrics in the rest of the song are good, but the bridge is just too bland. Anyways, despite some minor hitches this was a solid piece. Nice job, man.

Crit mine please
I Failed a Personality Test
#6
i thought the slit wrist part was important, it shows that the drugs dont really make them happy, or that its just temperary happiness and as soon as it wears off they are depressed again. the empty shell is alittle cliche, maybe i should change it to "your vacant eyes we leave them here." i think that sounds better. the bridge is alittle bland, i was hoping to spice it up with some screaming or something. maybe a good guitar riff in the background.