#1
Here's a song that I wrote today called Crying, I'm in a non stop song-writing mode at the minute, and as my band has just come out of the studio, its a good thing I suppose to have all these idea's penned down.

Musically I don't think its amazingly exciting, so I've posted the lyrics in the songwriting forum, heres the link to them: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=13409663#post13409663

C4C applies.

Oh and I'm 14 so I'm not very good at the whole songwriting malarky.

But heres an attempt.

C4C again.
Attachments:
New WinRAR ZIP archive.zip
#2
Is this punk? I dont like punk that good, so sorry if it sounds too harsh.

Your intro/interlude had a very strange rhythm, and i dont think it fitted in with the lead.
As for the rest, theyr just chords played in constant 8th notes, for 2 bars, then a new chord.
And the progressions them self arent very original.
Without lyrics and a good vocalist this would be pretty bad.
Try making the rhythm patterns more interesting, and maybe make some leads over them.
And you also need new riffs, its so repetitive that it hurts.

Edit: didnt see you had lyrics, but anyways, you still need a good vocalsit.

C4C: forest of silence (in sig).
#3
Quote by psychotim
Is this punk? I dont like punk that good, so sorry if it sounds too harsh.

Your intro/interlude had a very strange rhythm, and i dont think it fitted in with the lead.
As for the rest, theyr just chords played in constant 8th notes, for 2 bars, then a new chord.
And the progressions them self arent very original.
Without lyrics and a good vocalist this would be pretty bad.
Try making the rhythm patterns more interesting, and maybe make some leads over them.
And you also need new riffs, its so repetitive that it hurts.

Edit: didnt see you had lyrics, but anyways, you still need a good vocalsit.

C4C: forest of silence (in sig).


okay, thanks for the crit
#4
that was awesome
i'd say maybe go into a heavy slowish power chord riff maybe?
i dunno, something with sort of a down-tempo post metal feel to it.
wiiiicked intro though.

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drone/doom/post-metal: http://theygrieve.bandcamp.com
#5
one thing that gets me is how boring the bass is until the solo. most good bass players mix it up a bit. also, i actually like the rhythm in the intro etc and the way it kinda clashes with the lead. but yeah, it does get pretty boring during the verses and choruses. maybe through some lead lines in there every once in a while so it's not as monotonous