#1
i dont know if im done with this song yet, i was half asleep when i wrote it and in my head it bears a striking resemblence to hots on for nowhere by zeppelin. so basicly if i get good feedback ill try to write some music for it and if not then ill scrap it.

a woman broke my heart
i got nowhere to go
she tore my soul apart
becuse i loved her so
someone show me mercy
and ill respond in kind
a woman broke my heart
and i dont know why

a woman done me wrong
i can not express
i sang her a love song
it made her so depressed
she looked to me so sweet
when she stabbed me in the chest
a woman done me wrong
because she thought it best
( solo )

a woman broke my heart
i can not express
she tore my soul apart
now im so depressed
she showed me no mercy
when she stabbed me in the chest
a woman broke my heart
because she thought it best

a woman done me wrong
i got nowhere to go
i sang her a love song
because i loved her so
she looked to me so sweet
she looked to me so kind
a woman done me wrong
and i dont know why
Last edited by heavyairship at Mar 25, 2008,
#2
Well i dunno. It's really straight forward. I kinda like metaphorical stuff better, but thats just me. It's a little repetitive, and i didnt really like the wording. But i dont know what it'd sound like with music, so maybe it works.

Well im sure if you use other words, and maybe a little more imagery, it'd turn out okay. keep it up.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." - Jimi Hendrix
#3
Quote by heavyairship
i dont know if im done with this song yet, i was half asleep when i wrote it and in my head it bears a striking resemblence to hots on for nowhere by zeppelin. so basicly if i get good feedback ill try to write some music for it and if not then ill scrap it.

a woman broke my heart
i got nowhere to go
she tore my soul apart
becuse i loved her so
someone show me mercy
and ill respond in kind
a woman broke my heart
and i dont know why

a woman done me wrong
i can not express
i sang her a love song
it made her so depressed
she looked to me so sweet
when she stabbed me in the chest
a woman done me wrong
because she thought it best
( solo )

a woman broke my heart
i can not express
she tore my soul apart
now im so depressed
she showed me no mercy
when she stabbed me in the chest
a woman broke my heart
because she thought it best

a woman done me wrong
i got nowhere to go
i sang her a love song
because i loved her so
she looked to me so sweet
she looked to me so kind
a woman done me wrong
and i dont know why


Well, as someone said before, this is pretty straight forward, which can work, depending on your genre. Since the title of this is blues song, im taking a while guess an saying that this is a blues song, I can really see this working on a blues song since most blues are not too big on metaphor, similes, antithesis, etc.. blues are not really about deep lyrics, theyre more about the emotion in the singers voice and the guitarists notes. However, I do have some suggestions, on the first verse you said twice, that a woman broke your heart, which in my opinion, it is not needed, one time will do, it sounds like you ran out of ideas and you just recycled some lines. I also think its sort of repetitive, you said you sang her a song, and that she stabbed you in the chest, youre depressed, a few times, and tbh honest youre saying almost the exact same thing on all 4 verses, maybe try some variation?

Sorry if Im being harsh, thats just what i get out of it. It does show potential for a blues song though, it just need some adjustments here and there, but the idea is there, sort of cliche, but if its what you feel, then fine. Flow is fine, btw, it flows nicely and the rhyming scheme works.

Again sorry if I was harsh
#4
i decided to drop the last two verses and i wrote a new verse that goes like this

my woman said to me
ill be over there
i said to her "baby
you aint goin anywhere
youve been telling lies
and havin love affairs
your sins will catch up to you
in this lifetime i swear

i know these lyrics arnt great there just for jamming i guess but i just felt like posting them.
if anyone can suggest a title that would be great.