#1
So tomorrow night I'm spending the night at my girl's house, and I thought I would surprise her with a nice massage. Thing is, I've never given a massage before. Google came up with this. If I go though with all of that, will she be pleased? Anyone want to add something that this article doesn't cover? She's been really stressed and upset over a recent tragedy so I really want to do something special and relaxing for her.

EDIT: Also, what is some good music to put on during the massage?
Heads will roll. Throats will be slit. Blood will flow like springs of water.
#4
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Read Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk. Specifically the footjob chapter.



HAHAHA what the hell
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#5
Vicodon
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#6
Get something mellow:

From here to tranquility compilations, or a selection of songs by post rock bands.
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#7
i reckon a 'happy ending' massage to some hideously intense Michael Nyman! that would sure chill me out...
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#8
Quote by sirlimecat
HAHAHA what the hell


You haven't read it.

The chapter's all about massaging feet in a certain way to give people the most amazing orgasm ever.

With a bloke, it'll be so powerful he can't walk for days.
#9
why would you bother googling this? You just do a massage, its not hard dude just rub her back and some **** then she will accept your penor. If not rohypnol her.
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#10
three handed massage ftw. if you don't know what it is, you use your two hands on her boobs and i'll let you guess what and where the other "hand" is
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#11
Rubbing a form of cream on her will do it good, specifically the cream that "feels good on the crotch"

FOR ONCE THERE IS A USE!

Oh. And music wise, latin pop. For the lulz
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#12
get some dido, some oil,a six pack of champagne and some condoms.
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#13
*sigh* this isn't for teh sex. That will come afterwards.

And I don't think she likes dildos.
Heads will roll. Throats will be slit. Blood will flow like springs of water.
#14
Mogwai, Radiohead, 65daysofstatic, or Explosions in the Sky.

Mogwai, 65dos, and EITS are all instrumental and extremely surreal and relaxing, so it should so the trick.
#18
What kind of message are you going for? MSN? AIM? YahooIM? How can you not have ever sent one before? It's pretty easy, kinda like posting a message on UG. If you want her to be pleased, you can send hearts by typing in "(L)" without the quotation marks.

If you're in the same house, then I guess whatever kind of music she likes, but normally on IM conversations, if you put on music, the other person won't be able to hear it.
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#19
Quote by shredmeiser101
get some dido, some oil,a six pack of champagne and some condoms.


Six pack of champagne? I thought they only came in bigger bottles....Where can I get a six pack?
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#20
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Six pack of champagne? I thought they only came in bigger bottles....Where can I get a six pack?

You'll have to work out a lot.
Quote by markr17
go eat a hermanpherdite.