#1
Late night driver gets real drunk
Turns the corner crashes the car
Blood runs across the road

Car's hurting
bleeding
dieing
Thinkin' why O' why?

You were the good things
Getting loaded on you was choice
Crashing was accident

Now I regret
My ride is trashed
Bleeding out
Bleeding out on the road

God, was the high worth the fall?
'Cause my heart is
Hurting
Bleeding
Dieing

You were the good things
Getting loaded on you was choice
Crashing was accident x2

Oh what a thing to do
To love you.


What do yall think? opinions? suggestions?


Love the Low end
#2
I enjoyed this piece. I liked the way you talked about the car being the thing that was hurt, and that the driver was apologising to it. I also interpreted it as if the ride was the driver's way of getting 'high' so to speak. What where your idea's when writing this?
#3
Quote by redh0tchilip3pp
I enjoyed this piece. I liked the way you talked about the car being the thing that was hurt, and that the driver was apologising to it. I also interpreted it as if the ride was the driver's way of getting 'high' so to speak. What where your idea's when writing this?


Well thank you.
This piece comes from a recent breakup.

Like recklessly using love as a "high" not thinking of the bad things, and then BOOM.
it ends. The car as the heart is broken and the heart is saying what a fool you are.
And you regret it basically, loving that is.
I guess the main idea behind it is the question, "is it better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?" and just wrestling with that concept. Regret and sadness.

I tried to write it in a way where it could be interpreted many different ways. I personally find about 4 other ways it could be taken and other possible meanings.

and thanks again.


Love the Low end
#4
I like it alot. It's kind of a relief to see somethign so simple and nice. If you put it to music ever and put it up on UG lemme know.
#5
Quote by Zeelod
Well thank you.
This piece comes from a recent breakup.

Like recklessly using love as a "high" not thinking of the bad things, and then BOOM.
it ends. The car as the heart is broken and the heart is saying what a fool you are.
And you regret it basically, loving that is.
I guess the main idea behind it is the question, "is it better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?" and just wrestling with that concept. Regret and sadness.

I tried to write it in a way where it could be interpreted many different ways. I personally find about 4 other ways it could be taken and other possible meanings.

and thanks again.

Now that I've learnt that, the poem makes much more sense! I love how you use the crashing as the way of saying things ended. And that once your in love, you think that you're invinsible and nothing can slow you down, but this is all but a fantasy. A good piece, that you can tell means a lot to you.

Oh, and just one small crit. Maybe you could tidy up the poems structure and flow a little bit. Like the 'Crashing was accident' part. It doesn't really flow.

Overall, a very nice little piece.
#6
Thank you guys.
yeah, now that you say it and I read it, the flow is a little awkward there.


Love the Low end
#7
Quote by redh0tchilip3pp

Oh, and just one small crit. Maybe you could tidy up the poems structure and flow a little bit. Like the 'Crashing was accident' part. It doesn't really flow.

I agree, i don't really think that the lyrics flowed, after learning it was really about a heartbreak, not a drunk driving advocacy song, a lot of the things make more sense. maybe add a verse or two to clear that up or something.
Bitch Stole My Taco!
#8
Quote by Take_Warning
I agree, i don't really think that the lyrics flowed, after learning it was really about a heartbreak, not a drunk driving advocacy song, a lot of the things make more sense. maybe add a verse or two to clear that up or something.


Thanks. hmm, i wrote this for personal reasons so it all makes sense in my head and I do agree it is a little ambiguous. I'm thinking about re-working it to make flow and more sense.


Love the Low end
#9
at first reading it I honestly took it as a drunk driving accident. Didnt read to much into the metaphorics of it. But after hearing what it really means I think its an awesome piece, and i really understand where your coming from with what your saying about how love can just turn to hurt without you really even knowing what happened... awesome =)
#10
hey thanks for the crit.
this was a very origanal take on a breakup, it flows very nicely. i liked it alot.
did you mean to say "getting loaded was choice, crash was accident" because it makes it seem like english isnt your first language. anyway great job.
Emerse your soul in love


You used to be alright What happened?


Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .