#1
Leave crits, thanks.

I’m a sick and twisted f*ck, and I’m obsessed with blood.
Every morning, I awaken with a big surprise
Because each and every day is the beginning of a new end
and I love it when tears drip out your eyes.

I should be locked in prison, but instead I live my life
Free and proud in a basement of this hell
I wait for my beauties in a chair with my sharpened blade
Thinking of new ways to grant this kill.

Chorus x2:

Your insides pour out of your corpse.
I see the pain in your eyes.
You get one last look into my eyes
As I smile…
You’re in a BloodChamber


You pray to god he won’t help you now
but it’s too late
he won’t help you now
You’re already dying inside
You wish you were dreaming..
But you’re not.
This reality is yours to keep.


Chorus x2:

Your insides pour out of your corpse.
I see the pain in your eyes.
You get one last look into my eyes
As I smile…
You’re in a BloodChamber

You cry as your strapped to the chair
Trying to forget about the pain
You try to think about something else
Until a sudden pain digs into your back
You can’t breath
Your heart stops
You look to your side, just as you die
And realize you got a stake jammed into your spine!


Chorus (keeps going until fades):

Your insides pour out of your corpse.
I see the pain in your eyes.
You get one last look into my eyes
As I smile…
You’re in a BloodChamber
#2
Hi. Im still near the top, so obviously this isn't intended as a bump, but I would just like to ask everyone who views this to at least leave something. I consider any help for improvements, and it means a lot to me what people think of this.

Thank you
#3
I'm not a death/black metal fan so I didn't enjoy this piece. Too much death and violence for my tastes. But some people like it, so hey!

I read it so I left a comment.

And if you could possibly look at mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=821791

But maybe you won't like it, because of your tastes....
#4
Ok, thanks. and I understand. I appreciate the comment. I know you don't like the theme, but did you think it sounded like it would be a good death metal song?
#6
Quote by Morbid_Angel_93
One thing I dont undestand. Why did the BloodChamber go red ? =S


Wait, isn't it your piece?

I enjoyed the first 3 lines of the first stanza and the first line of the second, but that was it. I'm a metal fan, so it's not because of that. I think that violence in metal songs is very cliche, and apart from the lines I mentioned it didn't do it for me.
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#7
i like it. i thought the chorus was great. i liked the story too. it was a little on the cliche side... but then again what is there in the world that a song hasnt already been written about? either way... i liked it. i liked the fact that you used a stake to kill her with. especially since it sounds like the guy could think hes a vampire, and it would be ironic for a vampire to kill someone with a stake. good job
92% percent of the teen population would be dead if Hollywood said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your signature if you are one of the 8% who would be laughing your head off.
#8
very visual, which is always good with songs like this, the singer has to be convincing in delivery or i'd personally laugh my ass off hearing it done with a cheesy hate swagger, just get a good backing rhythm and it'll sound fine


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#9
This was good in the visual aspect, and it definitely worked for the audience you're going for. I'm not a big fan of death metal or black metal, but this is definitely working for your audience. The opening line is very strong - the "I'm a sick and twisted f*ck" - and it will grab the attention of the audience. I also like the line "This reality is yours to keep." Overall, I'd give it maybe and 8/10, I'd like to see music put to it.

Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=822871&highlight=psilocybin
#10
not really my taste, but still fairly good.
not badly written a little shaky in some parts...
CuddlesEDIT: when you say, you pray to god he won't help you now,
it sounds like she don't want help,
prehaps say, you pray to god, but he can't help you now, or won't or something...
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Mr.Cuddles killed The Metal!!!! FUCK YES!

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Mr Cuddles pretty much nailed it...

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Last edited by Mr.Cuddles at Apr 6, 2008,
#12
Lol. It isn't dark at all.
This song's lyrics are death metal based, and if you listened to the genre at all, you'd know that this isn't all that brutal. Thanks for the crit anyway.