Edit!: Finished it over night lol. Check out the new version below. My favorite parts r the mini solos. But im yet to add a full solo lol. I just added the outro so ill squeeze in the solo later. For now im pretty proud of it lol. hehe c4c and thnx for looking hehehe
The Build Up.zip
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Last edited by Jonathan Trejo at Apr 1, 2008,
Update : It used to be just a 30 second intro now. Its a full blown 3 min song, Please check the new file. Thnx
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Pretty cool, smooth transitions, very nice melodies with rhythms supporting them. Overall very good job, I liked it.
Very nice I really like this one! A bit confusing with all the instruments playing something unique, but the tones fit to each other, and that's really good!
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I like the first part with the harpsichord. Build up is good, but the drums seem kind of strange. They don't hold any steady rhythm, they just seem to hit random beats. The verse is good, but that one melody that's been playing since the beginning might be a bit overused at this point. The drums are bugging me again. I think that they should play a beat in the verse so the build up actually build up to something. I like the pre-chorus and the chorus, but you should make another guitar track to play those top notes so the score is less cluterred. That's might just be me sowing my OCD, though. I liked the first mini-soloo up until the double stops at 44. They sounded a little out of place. The second mini-solo was good, but the one riff that's been playing almost continuously since the beginning needs to be varied more. I really like the "happy in the clouds type riff" as you put it. It's probably my favorite part of the song. You should probably turn off the let ring, though. It makes it sound cluttered with the notes overlapping each other. The lead from 106 to 112 sounded really out of place. I would cut it out if I were you. The song ends nicely, but I would have liked to hear the outro solo.

Overall, not a bad piece. However, I would work on the drums and try to use a couple more riffs instead of the same one over and over with varying leads. 7/10.
There's a lot of good melodies here, and for the most part the rhythms were solid. But in many instances there was just too much melody, especially the higher pitched harmonizations before the second chorus. The chorus itself is good, as were all the leads/solos, except for the sweeps from bars 106-109. It didn't fit at all.

On the whole, this could be a really good song; but it lacks any clear structure, or any form of progression. It's apparent (at least in Gp4 version) that you don't really have any idea what to do with drums or bass - they just randomly appear and drop out again. And in cases like this, drums can make a mediocre or even bad song be decent - but the lack of bass really is inexcusable, root notes work fine in any occasion.

Notable parts - The intro and the 'happy in the clouds' were both great sections. All of these riffs have merit, though.
If you can clean this up, this could be a very decent song. But for now: work on it.
lol i kinda rushed this. I was so hyped up to get crits that i didnt finish the drums or the bass. How silly of me, hehe my excuse is writing this song has made me tired lol. So yeah ill fix the drums and the bass . And ill work on the outro solo lol. Thnx for the crits .
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It was pretty cool, but it seemed really "busy" at times and a lot of these times there was some horrible dissonance. also, the rhythm's chords didn't seem to fit in with what was happening above it. Idk. I couldn't really tell. but basically, I think you need to clean it up a bit so there's not so much going on. It was kinda hard on the ears. other than that, good work.
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hey pretty nice, dude. i thought it sounded great. i mean, nothings perfect, but it is pretty good, update when you get a full solo goin.
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It was decent way busy. And for me, the harpsichord is probrably the ugliest instrument in existence, lol. There were a lot of out of key notes too. Maybe if you structured it a little better, and added better drums, this could be a better piece.
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It was kind of hard to hear it when it's like it is, but it just seems like it's building up too much. Too much tension.
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I can't belive u guys dont like it... I think its a very original and non cleashe . But whatever atleast my stuff is original...
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Honestly I really love it. But as everyone else said, there's no real steady drum beat. If you want, I can help you make a drum track.
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Very cool! It seemed like some of the solos were a little out of tune at some parts, but I'm not gonna argue with the technical level of some of those runs! And I would've never thought to use some of those progressions and patterns. I liked it.

Overall, 8.5/10.
Well, I just kinda got it started. I can finish it tomorrow if you want.
The Build Up.zip
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Listening as a Crit.

the intro; was pretty awesome; but there were some off-notes; that made it sound a bit 'eh'
The build up was the same as the intro.

The verse was pretty good; but the drums lack a bit!
the pre-chorus was ****ing awesome, and looks very hard to play.... very hard.
Chorus was awesome; but I think you should've put the melody on a spereate track so it would sound more clearer.

The mini-solo was great! the tapping was soo good, of it was a bit offtune. Great solo though, very awesome

The next mini-solo was alright, didn't convey the same as the first.
The happy clouds riff sounds totally like a video game soundtrack.

The outro was good, pretty strong; but you should put the harmonies and melodies on different tracks so it doesn't sound all clustered and you can actually like; master it properly.

Here I did some work on the drums, And i kinda copied and pasted some of chances parts. Thnx chance for the help lol

-EDIT!: updated the first post with major drums lol. Plus added some Choir ahs and some more depth in the rhythm... Please Download the new one lol Thanks
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Last edited by Jonathan Trejo at Apr 1, 2008,
Seemed a bit haphazard towards the beginning, the early rythms didnt really stand out as anything great, but they werent bad either, the second part of the first chorus I like alot through. The best feature of the song is the leads/solos/melodies. IMO every single piece of lead work is brilliant, overall Id say 7.5 out of 10, from "happy in the clouds type riff" (lol) onwards it was 10 out of 10 for me
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yeah i get what u mean lol... But im guna write lyrics for this song hehe so you;ll see how the lyrics can make it sound better. Thnx for the crit dude...
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Yeah, i liked it, just a few things wich got a bit annoying

you had basically everything on nearly max volume, wich kind of made it harder to hear what was going on.. maybe fade out some parts and leave the major instruments high, then turn teh speaker up

also, having the drums 100% on left.. you strange child hehe.

but once it became audible :p i really liked it, especially the lil mini solo.
Last edited by SsPunk at Apr 1, 2008,

This is a complicated peice of work

Theres alot of melody, with alot i mean ALOT, and sometimes theres way too much melody for me to heart anything much. The drums wernt bad, could've been better.I really like the intro riff, was quite awesome how it built up.
But hat being said, the first four bars of the chorus didnt like be in my face, it built up then sort of didnt meet the expectation that i as a listener wanted, but the last 4 bars of the chorus were pretty insane.
The first mini-solo wasnt too bad, neither was the second one, i particually liked the tapping in the first one.
The 'happy in the clouds type riff' bit was inaudible, way too melody there.
Bar 106, that bend was off, made me squirm a bit.

Overall, its good, but too complicated. Make it little less simple

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I see many people telling me that its a bit messy. But if you could point me in the right direction so i can clean it up. I would be glad too cause i wanna make it a legit song. So if anyone wants to help. I would crit your stuff and rate your songs
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Great work! In my opinion maybe a little overcluttered, but I like very simple songs.
To be honest your pre-chorus and chorus is really good, reminds me somewhat of the work of some of the more famous video game composer's specifically the guys that did the mario work... But then again i'm just a nerd Great work!
I love how much is going on wow lol. It stands on its own, imo, no vocal line necessary. How do you feel about bending a full step at ms 108?
WOW. How the hell do I crit this xD
Very damn interesting.
Very tense-sounding, definately fits the title aha.

There is a lot of **** happening, as has been said ^.
Very busy sounding.

It sounds pretty good though. I could get into it if it was recorded with reall instruments.

Great work

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Holy Crap.

That was absolutely amazing.

Add drums and bass and this will probably get a 10/10 from me.
Nice Work!
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First of all, thanks for critting mine . Btw, be prepared for a rather long crit lol.

Wow. Really really busy there, to the point that it almost seems like messy random noises. The wall of sounds kinda drowned the guitar part, which when played by itself is really nice. I suggest lowering the volume of the bottom three track, as it is not necessary to blast their volume at 16. I also suggest you raise the drum's volume (to balance it with the *extremely* loud guitars) or lower both the drum and guitar's volume, and change the bass into Electric Bass (finger), as it would make it less busy. You should also lay down a steady rhythm for the drum, and refrain from using as much rolls (hell, they're all fill-ins!). The rhythm guitar imo also sounds better when they are played as Overdriven Guitar, as it contrast the distortion of the lead guitar and shows what the lead is playing.

Aside from that, the overall song is nice. The guitar parts sounded good, but I think it would be better if you don't use as much let-ring and legato as is currently is, especially on the rhythm. Try experimenting with rest in the riffs, especially on the chugging part, as syncopation could make it so much better, clean up the messy parts, and add color and variation. I also liked the texture and progression of the song, but shame that it is messed up and covered by the overlapping wall of sounds .
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Anyways, as I listen.

It's sort of dark, but cool!
The heartbeat track was annoying though, a bit fast for a heartbeat maybe?

Bit of a messy tab aswell, not that that's a problem, just makes it a bitch to read!

The prechorus/chorus guitar is scary, is it even playable with those stretchs?

MarchOfEternity above me says pretty much everything else.
Work on the dynamics and the drums and shizzle.

The acousticy bit at the end was cool!
Just it's all a bit messy, too much going on really!

So far, GJ! 7/10
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It's odd.
I feel like it's a really good song that suffers from having too much going on at once.
A lot of the riffs have all these parts going all over the place, it just sounds like 3 bands playing the same song in different tempos.
That being said, some of the riffs are killer. The "happy cloud appear" section was epic and the guitar solos were quite cool.

I'm not very good at criting stuff, but if you worked on some of the drums, got some levels sorted out and just like, made it all fit in slightly better, it would be some epic stuff.
listening now

the drums are terrible

the riffing is fine but you have too much clutter on top of it. and the drums are really distracting

bar 66 is dissonant

i like the happy in the clouds, probably because there's only guitars here and i can actually hear the song

overall i'd say you have some good ideas but this just seems way overly ambitious. i would just start over with just the guitars and lay an actual quality drum track and bass that isn't just root notes and go from there

here's mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=874557