#1
This is the first song I've ever written. It's not very thought out but here it goes...

I.Necrosis of the Soul

Bodily lust
blood stained with pus
hematological gas asphyxiation
dead to this day
innards decay
premature rot infatuation.

Infection that drips
hallucinogenic trip
bubbling boils with liquefaction
dermis cut deep
skin starts to seep
autophagistic attraction.

Deathly corrupt
infection erupts
bodily pollution at its whole
grave stench recollection
flesh yearning affection
symptoms of necrosis of the soul.
#2
Seeing as this is your first poem, I'll be a little more direct with my advice.


I.Necrosis of the Soul

Bodily lust
blood stained with pus
hematological gas asphyxiation
dead to this day
innards decay
premature rot infatuation.

Impressive rhyming and imagery scheme.. but quite unpleasant to the ears, unless you enjoy death and disgusting pus :/

Infection that drips
hallucinogenic trip
bubbling boils with liquefaction
dermis cut deep
skin starts to seep
autophagistic attraction.

Quite out of the ordinary.. I couldn't predict what you were about to say, because it was different than what almost every S&Ler writes :] One thing.. "Dermis cut deep, skin starts to seep" seems really cliche and too easy... if it seems to easy to rhyme, then think of something harder to rhyme with.

Deathly corrupt
infection erupts
bodily pollution at its whole
grave stench recollection
flesh yearning affection
symptoms of necrosis of the soul.

Deathly corrupt infection erupts could be better... Like at LEAST "death corrupts, infection errupts" make it fit well at the very least. The last three lines are actually pretty good :] For your first poem, this is pretty well written... I'm hard pressed to think you DIDN'T study poetry before
Marijuana is the spice of life.

I Force Choke my penis when I masturbate.

8)-~