#1
To be honest, I don't even know what I'm trying for here.

"Sung to the Ferryman"

I want a humble grave.
An uncut stone or wooden plank
Weeds around the base

In a man-made meadow
Southern grass that tangles
Maybe mice beneath

Unboxed bodies gird the roots
A tree whose Spanish moss ensnares
The rarified and fetid air.

Unboxed bodies gird the roots
Unboxed bodies gird the roots
I want a humble grave.
#2
I have read a poem very similar, and its a story of a man who has lost his wife on the isle of wight and has caught a ferry back to mainland england to die, hes elderly and wants a very low key burial.

I really like it though, gives a good aspect of natural and physical surroundings and visual impact on the reader, so it built pictures in my mind, but only a glimpse of the singer, and for me, the persona in this poem is not important its the planning and preparing for a burial.
Last edited by DieKrupps at Mar 29, 2008,
#3
you write very well nice poem its very intersesrting it mad me think of what you describered in it it conveyed me
#4
This was nice. You poems have a nice calming effect to them, this one especially. I think a big part of that was the subtlety to your rhymes. Well done.

The only thing that didn't work for me was the repetition near the end. It just doesn't seem like a line that should be used twice in a row. Maybe if you used a small variation of it in the penultimate line. I don't know, it's not horrible or anything.

But yeah, nice work.
#5
wake up
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in