#1
C4C
Howdy everybody. This is my first post in what seems like a year. Well this is one of my newest off my upcoming solo album. If you want to hear the recording please go to www.myspace.com/katsumirichards and preferably add me. id appreciate it and any comments you have. and leave a link if you want commented back.

EDIT2: sorry for all that i finally got it up. feel free to check it out


We Will Breathe

[Verse 1]
Turn the page
How could this be a time to be afraid
Is this how life will keep unfolding?
Sitting here wishing our hands were holding.

I'll sing this song on and on
An outburst of a love so strong
Not a word will be imperfect
It will describe a story so graphic.

I'll play the chords pack my bags
Save up enough money to leave my dad's
Find a place far away from here
On a lake or on a pier

Realize my fate
Realize it's one of which i must make
Maybe I'll just walk around and mope
Yearning for a way to cope and

Find a way for me to stay
Alive for another day
Venture to another world
Or just find another girl

I'll refine, make this life
A little but better of a time
I will just keep waiting
For our lives to intertwine

[Chorus]
Then we will leave
And we will breathe
Let every breath let off it's steam

I'll catch your hand with mine
Then let our lips align

Then I will breathe
And you will leave
And never come back to me

[Verse 2]
Time again and time again
We'll repave the path to our love and begin
From the time when we first met
All the way to when we're dead

So let us leave and we will breathe
Let every breath let off its steam
I'll take your arms in mine and
Make the best of this time

In our lives
In our eyes
Let's make this all worthwhile

End it in a way
That we'll think great
Lets end it this way
Lets end it this way...

[Chorus 2]
Then we will leave
And we will breathe
Let every breath let off it's steam

I'll catch your hand with mine
Then let our lips align

Then I will breathe
And you will leave
And never come back to me

Then I will breathe
And you will breathe

And we'll be breathing
[End]

Thanks much! peace
Last edited by Apocalypse_Sons at Mar 29, 2008,
#2
good man. more emotional than technical of course.
the chorus is good. verses flow well too.

id say more. but we're both on aim, so accept this free bump instead.
#3
Great job. I really like it. sorry if this is a short crit idk what else to say this is great
#4
I like it. I can't see anything wrong with it. It flows really nice. Keep it up. Thanks for the crit on mine.
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
#5
This was ok. It wasn't astounding or anything, but for what it was it was ok. My main complaint is the rhyming was so easy. You played it entirely to safe to make your lyrics truly stand out. Instead, it comes across as something that anyone could have written, which sort of softens the impact both emotionally and technically. On top of that, this piece is laced with easy cliches and fairly un-original ideas. So, in summary, you have a piece that flows and will sound good when sung (didn't listen...) but you don't have a piece that someone would look at and go "wow, he really has a talent for writing."

Hope that makes sense. all the best.

-zC

Any returned comments on the equation one in my sig would be appreciated.