#1
The other day I was in a kebab/pizza/general greasey crap shop with my step dad, sis and step siblings when this junkie stotes in. He walked past us all to an asian man standing on the customer side of the counter.
'Do you sell pizzas?'
'What?'
'Do you sell pizzas?'
'I don't work here mate.'
'Yeah but do you sell pizzas?'
At this point the shop owner butted in:
'Hey, why you talking to him?'
'What?'
'He doesn't work here.'
'Oh right... Do you sell pizzas?'
'Yeah we sell pizzas.'
'Can I have a half cheese pizza?'
'Nah sorry mate we don't sell half pizzas.'
'What?'
'We don't sell half pizzas. The guy next door does, go through there.'
'Oh... Alright...'
So he totters out and walks past 5 minutes later with a single sausage

And now yours, UG?
The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#3
I've had two people with big puffy eyes ask me for directions to Grimsby.

I have many of my own stories but I can't think of any others.
#4
The other day me and my friend were riding our bikes and we went by this small, empty store. I looked back at it, and I see a few people behind the place!
There was one sitting down against the wall and another had his shirt off, standing, facing the guy that was sitting. I thought there was some homo stuff going on!
I don't actually know if they were doing drugs, but they were reaelly suspicious!
#6
Quote by TheBurningFish
The other day I was in a kebab/pizza/general greasey crap shop with my step dad, sis and step siblings when this junkie stotes in. He walked past us all to an asian man standing on the customer side of the counter.
'Do you sell pizzas?'
'What?'
'Do you sell pizzas?'
'I don't work here mate.'
'Yeah but do you sell pizzas?'
At this point the shop owner butted in:
'Hey, why you talking to him?'
'What?'
'He doesn't work here.'
'Oh right... Do you sell pizzas?'
'Yeah we sell pizzas.'
'Can I have a half cheese pizza?'
'Nah sorry mate we don't sell half pizzas.'
'What?'
'We don't sell half pizzas. The guy next door does, go through there.'
'Oh... Alright...'
So he totters out and walks past 5 minutes later with a single sausage

And now yours, UG?


you pretty much had the same experience as me - cept mine was in a KFC like place in London at 2am after i saw Zep at the O2 (i know ) and he wanted a beef sandwich in a chicken shop.....

god knows why i remember it along with that "eventful day"
#7
I was with a friend and we decided to meander to Taco Bell and order some Tacos... but there was a cop inside, and I was really really high, so I decided to chill outside while he went in and got the tacos. I told him to get me some Chalupas, I requested 8 beef supremes. He came out and said that they didnt sell Chocolate Chalupas. Then he turned and almost walked into trafic
I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
-Mohandas Gandhi
#8
Goddamn your stories are sad.

I was expecting lulz.
The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#10
Quote by TheBurningFish
Goddamn your stories are sad.

I was expecting lulz.


yours is the worst.

MEGAFAILLOLZ.....
#11
Also another story... ( I work at McDonald's, this one is about a customer)

This guy walked in and stumbled up to the counter. My friend took most of his order, he was somewhat coherent at this point. Then he just blurts out "Kenova" and walks out the door. I see him walk down the alley next to the store and start rolling on the ground. Then one of the guys I work with came out of the bathroom and said that there were teeth in the sink... Sure enough there were like 6 teeth in the sink. I dont know if they were from the guy, but I have a feeling they were
I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
-Mohandas Gandhi
#12
Quote by davedoom
yours is the worst.

MEGAFAILLOLZ.....

It's not as funny being read. I told my mate and he crapped himself.

However I have a native sense of humour that not many people outwith Glasgow get so I dunno.
The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#13
I once took cough medicine and the next day my cough was gone.
#14
Quote by TheBurningFish
It's not as funny being read. I told my mate and he crapped himself.

However I have a native sense of humour that not many people outwith Glasgow get so I dunno.


nothing against you, but im terribly sure Glasgow has one of the highest rate of smackheads in the UK - if not the entire universe....
#15
Quote by davedoom
nothing against you, but im terribly sure Glasgow has one of the highest rate of smackheads in the UK - if not the entire universe....

Yip. Didn't you see Trainspotting? (Based in Edinburgh, but we're worse than Edinburgh).

And yeah, I reckon we're one iof the few groups of people in the world who can have their airport attacked by terrorists and share a laugh about it over a pint later that night.
The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#16
Quote by davedoom
nothing against you, but im terribly sure Glasgow has one of the highest rate of smackheads in the UK - if not the entire universe....


I'd have to agree, one of my mates is from glasgow and he's a pothead.
Hmmmm... Pie.

Quote by tryandstopme
i think your cereal is rather gay sir.


Quote by ibanez for life

Quote by Haha, Crackhead

This thread just screams,"Hey! Look at me!! I illegally download thousands of gigs of music!!!"

and what exactly does your username scream...?
#17
I accidentally gave money to a meth addict. I didn't realize she was one until I gave her a few bucks and she walked away.

I felt kinda bad.
Quote by shattamakar
The only advantage of home-schooling is that it gives you good reason to commit suicide.


Hit this once or twice, and you'll be twice as nice.
#18
Quote by josh2429
I'd have to agree, one of my mates is from glasgow and he's a pothead.

Cos your mate represents all of Glasgow?

But yeah, most of the people I know have tried or do drugs. As a matter of fact, the preacher at my mums church got addicted to painkillers after being given a load of morphine for an operation he had.
The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#19
My mate walked in on a midget snorting some coke in a pub toilet.
Talk to Erowid

Quote by dead-fish

Tell me when thy band shall return to mark a schedueled performance on my nearest venue's door!
Quoth teh Loomis, "Nevermore".



Member #9 of the "Marty Friedman > You" Club. PM apocalypse13 or altronataku to join.
#20
Quote by Jakeylee111
My mate walked in on a midget snorting some coke in a pub toilet.

The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#21
Quote by josh2429
I'd have to agree, one of my mates is from glasgow and he's a pothead.


i have to agree, i know someone who is gay, someone who is black, someone in a wheelchair and someone who speaks Welsh

therefore, it must mean my area is full of homo-negro-quadriplegic-foreigners....

im not racist.
#22
Quote by Jakeylee111
My mate walked in on a midget snorting some coke in a pub toilet.


best image ever!
2004 Fender Mexican Fat Strat
2003 Epiphone SG-400
Marshall DSL-401
Electro-Harmonix Small Clone Chorus
Dunlop Original Crybaby
Boss DD-3 Digital Delay
Boss PH-3 Phase Shifter

http://www.myspace.com/realityfracture/
#23
Most the junkies I've met have always been really friendly, don't get me wrong I'm always suspicious of them and prepared just incase but most who just randomly talk to me seem very nice

Although I'm sure at one point or another I'm going to meet an asshole junkie.
I Watched Download 07 on the internet Because I'm A poor Bastard and I'm Damn Proud!


Dave Mustaine Kill List:
Draken
WinterMadness79
Dirge Humani
MrGuitar123
RHCP94
Coins
Magnus_Maximus
#24
A guy who was out of his head on something once asked me for some change in Glasgow. I said no. God that was scary and enlightening.


Other than that, the only people I know who are proper potheads are total titwanks. But that's probs because they were titwanks anyway.
#25
I was in Liverpool waiting outside the massive train station to get a bus to the airport with my family. Stood about 10 foot away was a group of smackheads attempting to light a cigarette or something. All of a sudden, my sister who is 13 and thinks she knows it all says 'Ooh, they look like their a little too high on cannabis.'. At this point my mum starts lecturing my family on the dangers of drug use. It was like a scene from an anti-drug advert.

EDIT: You kinda had to be there to understand how funny it was.
Last edited by Rockwolf at Mar 30, 2008,
#26
^^^Haha that reminded me of something - when I was a lot younger, I was on a ferry with my dad, and nearby a guy lit a joint and I was like "dad, why does that man's cig smell funny?" - my dad hurried me away after the guy turned round with an extremely pissed look on his face