this songs has alot of work to be done on it,but i cant think of any way to improve it at the moment. so any tips would be greatly apreciated

verse 1

its your main mistake
to throw your cards down
when you know your beat
yet you refuse to fold

yeah your sitting there
everythings a blur
your teeth are lose
and your bodies sore

all of this is chaos
and you cant remember where you are
yeah youve lost your battle
but you push on the war


its knowing your limits
and refusing to back down
your the kid in the crowd
that wants the glory
and the taste of the blood
hear comes the grayscale
you'd stand if you could

yeah, thats all i got so far
i just started writing songs so this is probably pretty bad
Interesting, quite like it for some reason.
Epiphone Dot-335
Fender USA Tele
'82 30th anniversary Les Paul goldtop
1965 pre-CBS Fender Jaguar

turbo rat
+many more

Fender Twin Reverb
King's Full-tube 100 watt half stack. - £300
I'd say pretty good... I have a friend who showed me something she wrote about moshing... but her stuff just sounds like pretencious crap like she thinks she's better than other people who don't mosh.