#1
crit4crit

A reading from the Gospel according to Josh

Dante was walking through the streets of Rome, preaching his poetry. During one sermon, he pointed at the Prophet Mohammed and rebuked him, saying, “As God as my witness, you will burn in Hell.” The Prophet responded with, “Surely, you will burn for your infidelity.” Then the crowds went into an uproar, shouting, “We all shall incur the torments of Hell for our sins are many!” Now, Jesus came down and began to speak to them. “Nobody is damned and nobody is blessed. Amen, amen I say to you, Heaven and Hell do not exist.” Now, everyone was puzzled by his words and they began to talk among themselves. “Is this not the man who was claiming to be the Son of God? Now he is denying the existence of Heaven! Let us stone him for his blasphemies!” Just as the people were picking up the stones the voice of God could be heard laughing all around them and the stones were turned to dust. The people trembled in fear, for they had not heard such laughter since the days of Noah and the flood. Finally, the disciple who nobody loved asked God, “My Lord, what amuses you so?” God only answered with an oxymoron, “Divine Comedy.”

The Gospel of the lord
Last edited by themarsvolta at Jun 3, 2008,
#2
Haha.
You're funny.
I found it funny.

Remember, though, it's: "With God as my witness".
It would also be better if you said Jesus claimed to be the SON of God, rather than God himself, it is more accurate to say the son, because the trinity isn't always one being, it can be three different ones.

Pretty solid, I like the three prophets you put together, it's funny because they contradict each other a lot.

Anyway.
Good, just remember to edit.

Now mine is called People and Rocks:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=826359
#3
To me, this reads a lot like Swift's "A Modest Proposal." Its very interesting and the sarcasm and with behind it are great, however; the one complaint I have is that you have so much going on in such a small space, that a lot of excellent details are lost upon the reader. In essence, the reader walks away with a fun punchline and an interesting idea, when the reader could be coming away with so much more. The interactions you have drawn up between the figure heads is class, but sheltered by how quickly you gloss over it. The "disciple that no one loves" is a touch that I missed my first couple of read-throughs because I got sucked into the punchline. The flood reference wasn't fully appreciated because it also was lost to the punch line. All in all, you had some class details that weren't fully expressed because this was so condensed that the ideas sort of stumbled into themselves.

Also, to me at least, the tone of the piece reminded me a lot of someone who was trying to run really quickly, to keep themselves from falling over... like they are leaning forward and trying to get their feet underneath himself. It read urgently, like I was reading to a fire, which also made it hard to appreciate all of the details. I think this whole piece could use a little expansion to make it not eat itself idea wise, and either some paragraph breaks or some more drastic punctuation to help the reader not get so caught up in reading quickly, and further appreciate all the wit that is here.

Thanks for getting to mine,

-zC
#5
way to keep the voice throughout, kudos. This was amusing. Had just enough equilibrium between the funny and the wit and the absurdist plausibility to have it be fun overall.

#6
I really liked this.

I think it could be fleshed out more. As Zana pointed out, you put alot into such a confined space.
Poor advice.