This song is for a metal band, so i wanted a dark feel and brutal subject.
so yeah, critique, do whatever.

What happens to me
between twilight and night
is a phenomenon no one should see
where i transform into a creature found only in books
and i murder maliciously

so lock all your doors
and board up your windows;
tonights a feeding-fest.
indiscriminately, my teeth puncture flesh
be afraid because you could be next

these carnassial teeth
are buried beneath
this thin layer of reasonable man
and when they're unleashed
they crave bloody, raw meat
and they kill as much as they can

let the full moon rise!
I didn't care for the lines
murder maliciously , or
kill as much as they can.
these lines seemed to straightforward in my opinion. other than that, the Let the full moon rise! part would make an excellent chorus chant.
haha thanks for the critiques-- yeah i actually just added that last part as i posted the forum.
i think it should have started out a little less straightforward. more mysterious ya know all in all dude i liked it lalot
crit my piece? "The Peril Of Ixidore" i think it's somewhere on page #2