#1
"Will you take a picture of all of us?"
I was sitting on the edge of a rock cliff with my feet out in the air.
Long way down (one last thing).
I stood up and wiped off ass-dirt and took the Polaroid.
"You know, you only own a Polaroid because they've become a
fucking scene trap."
"Just take the picture."
The three of them inched closer towards each other.
"Closer."
Closer.
"Closer."
Closer.
To see her standing there like that after two months. All three of them wore dresses for a filthy walk through Raptor Park. Her dress rode up high and as we were walking up hills, I could get full glances of her ass and those baby blue panties cupping her cheeks perfectly. I stopped by a tree and told them to go on. Said I had to pee. But I was trying to masturbate. Couldn't cum, so I zipped up and walked on. I sat at the cliff with the intention of jumping off. I hade my hand down my pants for the entire walk.

"Lisa, be a team player and light a cigarette to complete the trio."
"I don't smoke anymore."
"Becca and Marissa are smoking. Light up, it'll look great. You know, Frank Beard
from ZZ Top was the only one who didn't have a beard and his last name was Beard. You don't want to be a Frank Beard do you?"
"Randy, take the picture."
I took a step back and aimed the camera.
"Look sultry."
"How are we supposed to do that?"
"Seduce the camera. Seduce me."
They blew kisses, gave winks, came close to each other's mouths.
It wasn't doing it for me.
Nothing was going on downstairs.
Limp as anything.
"I've gotta better look for you three."

I walked back to the cliff and turned my back to the drop.
I stepped onto a small rock and balanced on one foot.
"Randy......Randy?"
I leaned back and kept my balance.
"Stop it!"
They ran to me.
The arch of the eyebrows.
Their mouths agape.
A few beads of sweat.
Dilated puils.
I lep towards them and snapped the picture.
And they slapped me.
"Don't scare us like that."
"Hey, I got the look I wanted."
"What, scared shitless?"
"Nope. Real emotional trash."
I handed the camera back and walked on ahead. They lagged behind. I was so rock hard that we stopped in Peaches so I could finally cum in the bathroom. I ordered three glasses of beer and the girls stared at me as I drank them. We talked about dead pets, building a cabin in the Summer, and how the Belle and Sebastian song "Beautiful" described all of our lives perfectly. I excused myself to go to the bathroom four times in one hour.
Poor advice.
#2
you have a way of shitting on conventional poetry while still conveying messages powerfully and emotionally. what i got from this is that you long for something real.

it was a great one. definitely a favorite from you.

the only real problem i had was the dialogue starting with "Lisa, be a team player..." simply because i didn't understand who was saying what until i reread it.

i loved the ZZ Top thing. i thought it was hilarious.
Last edited by Arthur Curry at Apr 1, 2008,
#3
Jesus Christ.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
Quote by stellar_legs
That's good right?


I am below criticizing your writing.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#10
Nope.

I dont have it anyways.
It didn't even turn out.
I have one I took earlier of the three.


Oh, and by the way, I'm lying. Everything else was true except pretending to jump off.
Poor advice.
#13
i read this a couple days ago without commenting but this is obviously perfect.
#14
Honestly, it didn't do it for me. All of your work...there is so much of it, and it is all good, but it sort of becomes too much. It's like desensitizing your dick with the death grip. It's good at first, but after a while you can't feel it anymore. It is still good, Randy, but I can't feel it anymore.

In this one, particularly, there were parts that I didn't like. Mostly at the end of the first 'stanza.'

I liked the title though, haha. I love Capote and Harper Lee. I was hoping for more references there. The masturbating bits reminded me of a part from Answered Prayers.
#15
My life's work currently will be to rejuvinate your feelings toward my stuff, Alex

Thanks for reading it at least.
Poor advice.
#17
i've read some of your other pieces, and i just wanted to say that i really enjoy reading them.
you have a way to convey great stories, using precise diction, in poetic form - something alot of writers struggle with...and i honestly can't think of anything that bothers me here.
good job, man.

not much help, i know...but you're more than welcome to **** all over mine - üldözési mánia.