#1
Hello everyone. I am really a beginner writer and this poem or whatever you ma call it ... let me give you fair warning... will most likely suck! so i am just lookin for some guidance to improve my work

of course i will try to crit 4 crit but idk if i will be much help

anyways here is the song

No Regrets

This intoxicating love addiction
kills the mind with thoughts
wondering what comes next
and thinking about what happened last

This bond between us
strong as can be
with eachother
we feel open and free

the universe has a plan
the almighty Lord has set
whatever we will do
promise me, no regrets?

Things tend to happen often
sometimes moments get awkward
but with you i can talk it out
and have no regrets

(i think ^ is one of my weaker stanzas lol)

Just make sure your ready
sometimes it gets confusing
even though you are all mine
i wont abuse the priveledge


and that word is prolly spelled wrong at the end. anyways please crit. thanx.

-Josh
#2
nice work but try to mellow out the middle few stanzas so the end seems more heavy to leave folk hooked on your last words.
#3
I'm not sure I understand the first Stanza in relation to the rest, but i liked it a lot, I sang it to myself and it had a good flow.

the universe has a plan
the almighty Lord has set
whatever we will do
promise me, no regrets?
I thought that was pure gold, nice job
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#4
Quote by jschock92


No Regrets

This intoxicating love addiction
kills the mind with thoughts
wondering what comes next
and thinking about what happened last
this last line doesn't seem to flow that well

This bond between us
strong as can be
with each other
we feel open and free

the universe has a plan
the almighty Lord has set
whatever we will do
promise me, no regrets?
i liked this stanza but i think it would be good at the end

Things tend to happen often
sometimes moments get awkward
but with you i can talk it out
and have no regrets
the two previous stanzas had a rhyme to them so this one seems like it does not fit in, i agree that it is a weak stanza

Just make sure your ready
sometimes it gets confusing
even though you are all mine
i wont abuse the priveledge

it doesn't feel finished to me. but apart from the things i mentioned i liked this poem alot




#5
needs a chorus dude! Gives the song more power and gives the fans the main thing to remember. Another thing is the lines are good with the length being the same. But the ending words dont really match up. It's good lyrics, it makes sense but the word choice is a lil' off for me. I just cant feel the flow for a singer singing it. It doesnt flow well but its a great attempt. Can use revising and it'll be great man. Congrats!
#6
awesome. i got better replies on this than i thought i would thanks guys ill try to revise a little. thanks for the crit everyone.