#1
i know its pretty corny.. but my girlfriends in las vegas... so i just wrote this for her..
also i think its the second thing i've ever written so go easy on me..
cheers.


baby now that you're away
i think of you everyday
when the sun sets, when it rises
in just about everyway

but don't be sad girl
you're prettier then a pearl
and we'll be together soon
we can change the world

if i was in las vegas baby
ohh how i'd hold youu
if i was in las vegas baby
oh how i miss you boo

my guitar screams your name
almost as loud as my heart
but in a while all'll be the same
oh how i hate it when we're apart

if i was in las vegas baby
ohh how i'd hold youu
if i was in las vegas baby
oh how i miss you boo
#3
pretty cliche... but hey, it works aha
but try to avoid to many pet names...leave it at baby. the "boo" part just didnt sound right.
Other than tht typical love song. Really good.
crit mine when u get the chance

its called Dont You Remember
"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

Quote by JakeTheDuck
This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh
#4
Quote by The-Trooper94
pretty cliche... but hey, it works aha
but try to avoid to many pet names...leave it at baby. the "boo" part just didnt sound right.
Other than tht typical love song. Really good.
crit mine when u get the chance

its called Dont You Remember


yeah but she always calls me her boo.. i know she's gonna love that part :P
#5
Hi Spitz!

I know you said go easy, but how about we look at where you might hack at this thing, k ?



baby now that you're away
i think of you everyday
Kind of plain, but it gets by.
when the sun sets, when it rises
in just about everyway
This really needs work.
Rhyming everyway with everyday seems too much.
I'd rethink the last two lines.



but don't be sad girl
you're prettier then a pearl
Ew. Don't be sad, because you're pretty?
The second line isn't bad on it's own
but it sucks as part of this thought.

and we'll be together soon
we can change the world
Changing the world is overstating.
Think on a more personal, intimate level


if i was in las vegas baby
ohh how i'd hold youu
if i was in las vegas baby
oh how i miss you boo
Kinda drippy, but I think she'll like this.
Instead of you boo, maybe my boo?


my guitar screams your name
almost as loud as my heart
but in a while all'll be the same
oh how i hate it when we're apart
all'll sucks ass. Get rid of it.
Instead of ending this on a negative/hate it note,
see if you can spin it more positive.
In the direction of enduring the time apart


if i was in las vegas baby
ohh how i'd hold youu
if i was in las vegas baby
oh how i miss you boo

Sure, she's gonna like it, just because you wrote it for her.
But stretch a little and try to tighten it up by tweaking some parts.
*hugs Spitz*
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#6
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Hi Spitz!

I know you said go easy, but how about we look at where you might hack at this thing, k ?



baby now that you're away
i think of you everyday
Kind of plain, but it gets by.
when the sun sets, when it rises
in just about everyway
This really needs work.
Rhyming everyway with everyday seems too much.
I'd rethink the last two lines.



but don't be sad girl
you're prettier then a pearl
Ew. Don't be sad, because you're pretty?
The second line isn't bad on it's own
but it sucks as part of this thought.

and we'll be together soon
we can change the world
Changing the world is overstating.
Think on a more personal, intimate level


if i was in las vegas baby
ohh how i'd hold youu
if i was in las vegas baby
oh how i miss you boo
Kinda drippy, but I think she'll like this.
Instead of you boo, maybe my boo?


my guitar screams your name
almost as loud as my heart
but in a while all'll be the same
oh how i hate it when we're apart
all'll sucks ass. Get rid of it.
Instead of ending this on a negative/hate it note,
see if you can spin it more positive.
In the direction of enduring the time apart


if i was in las vegas baby
ohh how i'd hold youu
if i was in las vegas baby
oh how i miss you boo

Sure, she's gonna like it, just because you wrote it for her.
But stretch a little and try to tighten it up by tweaking some parts.
*hugs Spitz*



aww thanks syk! =]
Right now i'm just trying to figure some chords for it and stuff. Tomorrow when I get back from school I'm gonna tear the lyrics apart again lol, I have untill monday to have a the whole thing ready :P.
One thing I loved was the my boo suggestion, I'm using that for sure, and I had a couple more stanzas I could use instead of that sad one at the end, I just have to try and remember them :P. thanks dude =]