#1
I’ve never had much luck
Bad luck in love never ends
I failed so many times before
I swore I’d never try again
Then she came through the door
With a smile in her eyes
If love is a race
Then this girl is first prize

So I’ll write you off as my sweetheart
I’ll write you off, as the only good part

I’m not doing it for money,
Or the sake of fame
I’m doing it out of passion,
For the one thing I can’t tame
This thing’s swallowing me whole,
Like a forest of flames
I don’t really mind,
That we’re the only ones to blame

So I’ll write you off as my sweetheart
I’ll write you off, as the only good part

I got a heart full of hopes
And a head full of rhymes
I wanna show you I love you
But we just don’t have the time
And I’ve fallen on good luck
Bad luck in love always ends
I failed so many times before
I think I’ll try again

So, you’re more than a sweetheart
So I wrote you off as the very best part
#2
to me this has a popish feel to it, but it does strike me deep on other levels

seems like you've found the perfect girl for you but she seems to doubt your intentions on stanza 3.

Has a light hearted feel to it in the end, i like the way you changed the last chorus to a very happy ending

you could try and change the words around a little to get rid of the, corney feel to it (don't no how else to describ it)

overall could make a good song if the music behind it was fitting
#3
Quote by zlink16
I’ve never had much luck
Bad luck in love never ends
I failed so many times before
I swore I’d never try again
Then she came through the door
With a smile in her eyes
If love is a race
Then this girl is first prize

At first I didn't like this stanza, but after a second read I did. I really like the last two lines.

So I’ll write you off as my sweetheart
I’ll write you off, as the only good part

Nice for a chorus, but I feel like something is missing. I can't really put a finger on it.

I’m not doing it for money,
Or the sake of fame
I’m doing it out of passion,
For the one thing I can’t tame
This thing’s swallowing me whole,
Like a forest of flames
I don’t really mind,
That we’re the only ones to blame

I really enjoyed this stanza. Nice work.

So I’ll write you off as my sweetheart
I’ll write you off, as the only good part

I got a heart full of hopes
And a head full of rhymes
I wanna show you I love you
But we just don’t have the time
And I’ve fallen on good luck
Bad luck in love always ends
I failed so many times before
I think I’ll try again

This is where I feel it gets really poppy. I'm really digging some pop bands right now and it reminds me of a lot of the songs I like.

So, you’re more than a sweetheart
So I wrote you off as the very best part

Nice way to end it with a little variation on the chorus.



C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=828987
#4
I really love this one, would you mind if i tried to put a guitar behind this?
Guitars:
Dean Razorback Explosion =D
Schecter Omen 6
Ibanez 30 Exotic Wood =D
Custom Les Paul w/EMG

Amps:
Line 6 Spider II :S
Peavey ValveKIng Halfstack

Pedal:
Boss ME-50