#1
Hey guys, I'm just now getting back into posting on UG and I have this song from my band. I wondered what you guys think of it. Thanks in advance, link me to yours and I'll try to critique it. I don't really think that I'm much of a writer, but I'll let you know my opinion. The title has nothing to do with the lyrics but here they are.

One Beat Off Mt. Fuji

Verse 1
Let's say we go back to my place
and have a few drinks?
I'm gonna show you a good time regardless.
Turn the lights down low.
Turn the lights
down low.

Chorus
Dang Girl,
the way you move those hips.
The way
you move those hips,
it should
be a crime!

Verse 2
We move slow,
but we both know what we came here to do.
Let's not pretend
chivalry is still alive.
I killed it just for tonight.

repeat chorus

I keep my eyes on you.
I keep them tight as glue.
I keep my eyes on you.

repeat chorus


I have a recording of it on my band's myspace if you want to hear how it was put to music. www.myspace.com/thewinsystem
It's a rough recording but we are going back to the studio next weekend to get a better recording done. Anyway, what do you guys think?

Sorry Mod
#2
Really nice. Not one of the best ones ive ever read but its still damn good.
Im more into songs that tell more of stories...but dont get me wrong yours is damn good its just not my style.

The last two lines in verse 2 are amazing though
Keep writing

crit when you can
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=827411
"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

Quote by JakeTheDuck
This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh
#3
Quote by The-Trooper94
Really nice. Not one of the best ones ive ever read but its still damn good.
Im more into songs that tell more of stories...but dont get me wrong yours is damn good its just not my style.

The last two lines in verse 2 are amazing though
Keep writing

crit when you can
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=827411


Those lines are my favorite as well. Thanks.