#1
Taking pictures of yourself again
Looking at the corner of the room
Like you have forgotten your name

I just want to meet you, but im scared of saying please
as the camera whispers cheese, im thinking of kama sutra
and the dress your wearing doesnt suit ya'

Please change it, have a dog biscuit
whip em out or i'll just quit ya'

I ask you a question but you just dont answer
goodnight, goodnight my queen i'll slip away with laughter

Im on the next channel now
lets skip to the neutral part in this show
im not going to live in denile, i love your smile
but Egypt's a hot place and denile is still running deep

I run with the fox and hunt with the hounds
But on this channel i cant hear your sounds

what a magic ending, in this text im sending
Its a too small too big trap, and your not on my lap

Not a song structured peice really but i try. C4C please. Thanks
#4
i always liked the denile pun...

anyway, i don't think i can really crit this. i mean, to stand alone just a poem, all i can make out is a bunch of words thrown together in a particular form to create rhyme.
on the other hand, if the right music were applied, i see a "red hot chilli peppers" type deal? which is kind of cool...but i'm not really sure how to take this - make sense?

sorry i wasn't much help....it was very positive, though, which made it an enjoyable read.
#5
Quote by ottoavist
i always liked the denile pun... i mean, to stand alone just a poem, all i can make out is a bunch of words thrown together in a particular form to create rhyme.



that is everything i didnt want it to be, im sorry but i would say 80% of lyrics posted on here is just boring jibber jabber rubbish that has nothing but a rhyme.

Maybe its the way i read it in my head and phrase some of the words that doesnt translate with other people maybe.

some of the best and well known songs written have some odd slants on lyrics...but in the song it simply works.

Thanks anyway for your input, input on here is very minimal and hard to come by, mine and some others lyrics maybe are just pointless to help because they are rubbish or a waste of time, but i see threads with 50 views and no replies ....whats that all all about ?
#6
Quote by DieKrupps
im not going to live in denile, i love your smile
but Egypt's a hot place and denile is still running deep


i really liked that part. i find myself trying to do tricks with words in those ways. i see what you mean though with just putting random ideas together; i do the same but not neccesarilly just to rhyme.

Quote by DieKrupps
I just want to meet you, but im scared of saying please
as the camera whispers cheese, im thinking of kama sutra
and the dress your wearing doesnt suit ya'


this was probably the only other thing that showed slight promise to me, less the last line. i'm sure you could rhyme something with knees....rite?

anyways please check out the second link in the sig, if you like.
#8
I like it a lot; I think it could be put very well to music. Of course, it would have a more linear structure.


You do know how to spell denial, right?
(Yes, I did see the pun. Very nice)
Every time you sit down to "practice" without a metronome, God kills a kitten.
#9
Quote by bodomfan525
I like it a lot; I think it could be put very well to music. Of course, it would have a more linear structure.


You do know how to spell denial, right?
(Yes, I did see the pun. Very nice)


hi there,

obviously i had a typo lol.

thanks for your kind words. I have got a track put down in logic 8 for it, and i think it works fairly well. the first 3 lines is about a internet girl taking pictures of herself, and theres loads of those in the UG pit.
#10
hey there, thank you for analyzing my material.

i didn't want to over complicate the lyrics other wise its like any other lyric that tries to have too much meaning in it, its like a monumental big screen kiss, its so deep its meaningless.

Thanks Nick for sparing some of your time