Ask a 19 year old half elf - half midget questions about sexual dysfunction.

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#1
Yes..the moment you have all been waiting for. .....

Tonight I have here in the studio with me an elf man who is also a midget. His fields of knowledge are vast and plentiful. Tonight he'll be taking questions about Sexual Dysfunction.

Alright Pit?


Go.

Last edited by MeltingWaxFace at Apr 4, 2008,
#3
Sexual dysfunction can strike us at any time. In the older years I recommend Viagra...younger men will experience "Whisky Dick" from time to time after consuming to much alcohol.

I think you'll be ok otherwise.
#4
wtf??? damn im to tired to reply
RAW ROCK KILLS!- ShowBread
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#5
Quote by Esp_kill07
wtf??? damn im to tired to reply



Good point. Drowsiness can cause sexual dysfunction. Drink a red bull or sniff some cocaine before you do the deed.
#7
Quote by aaron6890
"how do you change the carborator of a 1967 ford mustang?"


You're gonna want to take it slow with this one. Use lots of lubrication and make sure not to bump any of the rack and pinion steering on your way in. When inside you can do swirling motions with your fingers to ease the locknuts off of the fuselage.

Next you're gonna be approaching the climax of the job. Removal of the drip point. When it starts gushing fluids make sure not to act surprised. Several models of this carborator can be a little bit self conscious.
#8
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
You're gonna want to take it slow with this one. Use lots of lubrication and make sure not to bump any of the rack and pinion steering on your way in. When inside you can do swirling motions with your fingers to ease the locknuts off of the fuselage.

Next you're gonna be approaching the climax of the job. Removal of the drip point. When it starts gushing fluids make sure not to act surprised. Several models of this carborator can be a little bit self conscious.


Quote by Alterationsgtrs
While watching Scooby Doo

Velma- Jinkies, I lost my glasses
Me- Oh they're right here (while furiously masturbating)


#10
Can sexual dysfunction cause sexual dysfunction?
Talk to Erowid

Quote by dead-fish

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Quoth teh Loomis, "Nevermore".



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#11
Quote by Jakeylee111
Can sexual dysfunction cause sexual dysfunction?


Yes. Other symptoms that can cause this phenomena may be "dry balls", "firing blanks" or "no gas in the tank".
#13
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
Yes. Other symptoms that can cause this phenomena may be "dry balls", "firing blanks" or "no gas in the tank".

Thanks midget elf man!
Talk to Erowid

Quote by dead-fish

Tell me when thy band shall return to mark a schedueled performance on my nearest venue's door!
Quoth teh Loomis, "Nevermore".



Member #9 of the "Marty Friedman > You" Club. PM apocalypse13 or altronataku to join.
#14
Quote by BGSM
Where can I get hold of the Hollywood Edge Demo CD?



Several local callers tonight have been asking about this. I'd recommend finding a loose hole. Several of these CD's have been found in various orafices around the neighbourhood. It never hurts to get a few drinks into which ever orafice you have your eye on. This will allow for less awkwardness when you plunge in.
#16
Can inserting a vibrating game controller into ones own anus cause sexual dysfunction?
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you are a real guitarist when you are not ashamed about masturbating to musicians friend magazine.
#17
Quote by goth clash
Can inserting a vibrating game controller into ones own anus cause sexual dysfunction?



Depends on the controller. I've seen negative results occur with the xbox controllers. They seem to display error messages in relatively hairy anuses. The Nintendo Wii and PS3 don't seem to mind..I think they are lonely as they tend to enjoy this usage.
#18
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
Depends on the controller. I've seen negative results occur with the xbox controllers. They seem to display error messages in relatively hairy anuses. The Nintendo Wii and PS3 don't seem to mind..I think they are lonely as they tend to enjoy this usage.

ps3 doesnt vibrate (yet) rumbleaxis comes out next week. sorry to nerd you out.
#19
Can you find me a busty, tan little person to express my love to? It's always been a fantasy of mine and I want to get into some of that goodness.
Miss Scourge? PM me.

I am the mistress of ManWithoutAHat . This pleases me.
#20
Quote by aaron6890
ps3 doesnt vibrate (yet) rumbleaxis comes out next week. sorry to nerd you out.



The Elfboy would like me to note his stumpy fingers caused him to hit the 3.

He meant to say PS2.


Thanks.
#21
Quote by terrencemaddox
Can you find me a busty, tan little person to express my love to? It's always been a fantasy of mine and I want to get into some of that goodness.


Here is the place to find one Terrence. My fan base and callers are usually either curious humans or fellow elf midget folk. We'll see if we get any tanned little Elf chicks in tonight and hopefully we can play some matchmaker.


Attention callers : We are looking for a tanned elf midget. Call in.
#23
Quote by Grundy0
It's the morning here, could that cause sexual dysfunction?



Usually the morning brings about the phenomenon of Morning Wood. Have you experienced it yet? If not I fear you may have a faulty unit.
#25
[quote="'Tommy[fin"]']"Dear 19 year old half elf - half midget, why are we intensely horny on hangover mornings?"

This is an intriguing phenomena. Many callers have said they do it to take their mind off the dreariness and feelings of sickness that hangovers bring.

I recommend a Fap and a Beer to kill a Hangover.

Remember - drink the cold beer with the opposite hand to prevent shrinkdink during the act.
#26
19 year old half elf/half midget... Who/what is your avatar a picture of? Also, I don't believe there is a fuselage on a 1967 mustang, as fuselage is a term commonly used in aeronautics to describe the long hard shaft of an airplane. Oh, and one more thing... Which lubricant would you reccomend for general stimulation of the anus?
For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "if I live I will kill you."
"If I die, you are forgiven."
Such is the rule of honour.
Last edited by ManWithoutAHat at Apr 4, 2008,
#27
Quote by ManWithoutAHat
19 year old half elf/half midget... Who/what is your avatar a picture of? Also, I don't believe there is a fuselage on a 1967 mustang, as fuselage is a term commonly used in aeronautics do describe the long hard shaft of an airplane. Oh, and one more thing... Which lubricant would you reccomend for general stimulation of the anus?



Hi this is Elfboy here- that avatar belongs to the Host of the show Meltingwaxface. Its of his favorite movie character Travis Bickle.

Fuselage can be a metal exterior of which the insides hold components.


and lastly.

Human spit.

Thanks.
#29
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
Here is the place to find one Terrence. My fan base and callers are usually either curious humans or fellow elf midget folk. We'll see if we get any tanned little Elf chicks in tonight and hopefully we can play some matchmaker.


Attention callers : We are looking for a tanned elf midget. Call in.

THANK YOU! Everyone else makes fun of me...
Miss Scourge? PM me.

I am the mistress of ManWithoutAHat . This pleases me.
#30
Quote by Blackholesun00
Is it possible to see someone so fugly you get sexual dysfunction?



Oh yes. It is very possible.

Mooseknuckles
Vag-rott
Cameltoes
Massive cookie nipples
and
Buttaface

can all cause Sexual dysfunction.
#31
Quote by terrencemaddox
THANK YOU! Everyone else makes fun of me...



Still no luck on the lucky little lady terrence? Stay tuned. We haven't had any elf midget chicks in yet, but give it time.
#33
[quote="'Tommy[fin"]']This thread is relevant to my interests.


You as a participant in tonights show are also relevant to the thread


Now. Elf man is back from a coffee break and he is ready for more questions. Anyone?
#34
I'm not familiar with the term "shrinkdink" Mr. Elf man... what is a shrinkdink?
Quote by SlinkyBlue
I remember when I was really young, I had a wet dream in which i was being dragged along an urban countryside by a pickup truck.

Don't ask me I have no idea how the hell it happened.




To Me:

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I love you
#35
Quote by Psychedelico
I'm not familiar with the term "shrinkdink" Mr. Elf man... what is a shrinkdink?


When cold particles of air, water, food etc make contact with the Pen0r this can occur. To learn more about shrinkdink enter your shower, turn water to cold, stand in stream. Observe.

#36
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
When cold particles of air, water, food etc make contact with the Pen0r this can occur. To learn more about shrinkdink enter your shower, turn water to cold, stand in stream. Observe.



Ah ok I've observed this phenomenon before. Also, is there any method of prevention for the infamous "Morning Wood"? It often results in awkward situation involving me trying hide my Pen0r from others.
Quote by SlinkyBlue
I remember when I was really young, I had a wet dream in which i was being dragged along an urban countryside by a pickup truck.

Don't ask me I have no idea how the hell it happened.




To Me:

Quote by Son.Of.TheViper

I love you
Last edited by Psychedelico at Apr 4, 2008,
#37
Quote by Psychedelico
Ah ok I've observed this phenomenon before. Also, is there any method of prevention for the infamous "Morning Wood"? It often results in awkward situation involving me trying is hide my Pen0r from others.



The cure to morning wood is the same as the cause of shrinkdink
#38
Quote by Psychedelico
Ah ok I've observed this phenomenon before. Also, is there any method of prevention for the infamous "Morning Wood"? It often results in awkward situation involving me trying is hide my Pen0r from others.


I can't begin to think about how awkward it will be when I'm going to the army in the summer of 2009.
#39
[quote="'Tommy[fin"]']I can't begin to think about how awkward it will be when I'm going to the army in the summer of 2009.


As always the half elf half midget has as solution. Buy one of those cold packs used to put on sores or wounds. Keep it in your footlocker. Apply the cold pack to the Pen0r area under your blanket when you wake.
#40
Dear Mr. half-elf/half-midget,

If I do not masturbate frequently enough, is it possible that I will forget how?
I <3 bangoodcharlotte

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