#1
Hey y'all this is another song I wrote in geometry, link to the other one in my sig, anyway here it is


Running for my life
This doesn't seem right
This doesn't seem fair
They've almost got me

I pick up the pace
I must win the race
I must survive
They can't get me now

Captured!

Living life in a cell
Its a living hell
I must escape
I must get out alive

Running for my life
This doesn't seem right
This doesn't seem fair
They've almost got me

Im like a caged beast
holed up in a cell
they made sure
I was stuck in here

I can't escape
I can't survive in here
Freedom has been taken
Death is at hand

I've lost the race
I've lost my life
I feel deaths embrace

well thats all I got let me no what u think crit 4 crit and the last couple verses are really on the emo side all my stuffs been turning out like that oh well let me no what u think thanks guys
#2
The last verse is not that bad, actually. Methinks it could use another line-to add more even rhythm, but I don't really know...
Every time you sit down to "practice" without a metronome, God kills a kitten.
#5
it's pretty good! the only thing that bugs me is that the last line of each stanza doesn't rhyme with any of the other lines (with the exception of the last verse). that could turn out really good. i'm with motleycrue09, i've got a riff to go with it too.
#6
I read it twice, lyrically, the only part that I would comment on would be the repeat of the word "cell" in the 5th stanza when it had already been introduced in the 3rd stanza. It's such an odd sounding word, I guess it just kind of stood out to me. Not sure if that was in a good way. I can't imagine it being anything more than a screamo song, and at best maybe an "anthem" like song with some excellent backing riffs. Not sure if that helps much. lol.
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5
#7
It's quite nice, a bit straight forward but that has it charm imo.

"Im like a caged beast
holed up in a cell
they made sure
I was stuck in here"

The 2nd and 3rd line of this verse don't sound too good tbh, it doesn't really flow that nice. I'd revise it a little, change the cell perhaps.