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#1
Title explains it.
What is the most screwed up/akward thing a family member has said to you?

Personally it would be one of two ocasions...

1. Im asleep on the beanbag chair in my room, when my sister (who broke her leg) comes in on her crutches and hits me in the ass and then procedes to say "I hope your not gay, cuz thats what its gonna feel like...."

2. My parents were asking me why im late for school almost every day. We get into an arguement and my dad ends it by saying "I think you're stressed out, you need to get laid..."

Ive got a screwed up family anyway....

Your experiences?
?!
#2
My Uncle came up to me when I was 14 and told me my hair made me look like a sexy girl...
Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out.
#3
dad once texted me informing me of how he got no sleep the previous night because his bed was filled with barnacles, two female asian pirates were tickling his feet all night and a hairy kneed indian satyr was stabbing him with a sharp steel needle. That was wierd.
#5
my mom randomly was driving and blurts out to me that people are like puzzle pieces and then stops.
GEAR:
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#6
Quote by grenade24

1. Im asleep on the beanbag chair in my room, when my sister (who broke her leg) comes in on her crutches and hits me in the ass and then procedes to say "I hope your not gay, cuz thats what its gonna feel like...."

I came.

I don't really talk to my family, or listen for that matter.
In/Rainbows
#7
Quote by Masamune
My cousin just came to me out of nowhere and said, "Fuck me in the ass."


And did you...hit that?
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When is beating your cat not justified?


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This is almost as stupid as when someone thought there might be a UG warehouse where all the tabs are stored.



July 8th, 2007 @ Wembley - Best day ever
#9
My grandmother told me I was going to turn out just like my father.(drug addict...and I dont do drugs...stupid bitch)
#10
Well, last Thanksgiving my aunt was asking me what kind of bands I liked, and I mentioned Cream. She started all that remeniscing and stuff and says, "Cream, so sexual..."

This is the same aunt who, for ****ing Christmas, bought me a book called the Secret Sex Lives of Dogs and Cats. I think that makes her the wierd as **** aunt.
I was an Internet Witness in the mike.h Murder Case.
Quote by Pauldapro
this man is right. everything he says is right. so, stop killing people and get therapy ffs
#12
Quote by Masamune

No, are you crazy?


Meh, most probably
Quote by ukuleleftw
When is beating your cat not justified?


Quote by Gaz_m2k5
This is almost as stupid as when someone thought there might be a UG warehouse where all the tabs are stored.



July 8th, 2007 @ Wembley - Best day ever
#13
i got a birthday card once that said "here's your money" and signed name... on another occasion i was annoying my sister so she threw a candle holder at my forehead (i was 7).
Quote by Karl Sanders
its like a four finger, diminished thingy
Last edited by kinzoku at Apr 4, 2008,
#14
my mom..." hey honey im on my way out to the mall, i left you some chips and pop in the kitchen and ill be back around 8 oclock.. oh by the way i killed your sister with your dads power tools and i left her in your room. dont forget to take the dog for a walk"
Running away from this earth.
May it pass away in the beautiful flames that it was created for.
Because when tomorrow fails to come,
today is just not the same.
Inflamed earth.
Roses.
In this hope.
For all i care set it all ablaze.

#15
Quote by Dirge Humani
Yes, he did. Hard. I couldn't walk straight for days.

Now I watch my mouth around him.

shhhhhhhhhhh don't be tellin everyone our family secrets now.
#16
I farted on my 18 year old cousin, then he left the building and screamed that he was going to snap my neck and throw me in a ditch. Then his mom told me I was lucky that he didn't, being totally serious.
Bari Build

_\_\ll/_/_
__\ _ /__
___ \/ ___

#17
Quote by <the_last>
my mom..." hey honey im on my way out to the mall, i left you some chips and pop in the kitchen and ill be back around 8 oclock.. oh by the way i killed your sister with your dads power tools and i left her in your room. dont forget to take the dog for a walk"


Lol, wut
im struggling to take that one seriously....not like the incest one earlier, mmmm
Quote by ukuleleftw
When is beating your cat not justified?


Quote by Gaz_m2k5
This is almost as stupid as when someone thought there might be a UG warehouse where all the tabs are stored.



July 8th, 2007 @ Wembley - Best day ever
#18
true story
Running away from this earth.
May it pass away in the beautiful flames that it was created for.
Because when tomorrow fails to come,
today is just not the same.
Inflamed earth.
Roses.
In this hope.
For all i care set it all ablaze.

#19
im sure it is...
Quote by Karl Sanders
its like a four finger, diminished thingy
#21
Quote by <the_last>
my mom..." hey honey im on my way out to the mall, i left you some chips and pop in the kitchen and ill be back around 8 oclock.. oh by the way i killed your sister with your dads power tools and i left her in your room. dont forget to take the dog for a walk"

She forgot to put salt on the chips?!?
In/Rainbows
#22
Quote by Mr. 37
She forgot to put salt on the chips?!?


mmm im gonna have some chips
#23
When my family and my aunt and uncles and cousins went to this camping type thing owned by a family friend in northern wisconsin. I had to share a bed with my girl cousin who is 2 years younger than me. My uncle was like "Make sure not to go *wink wink nudge nudge* ya know..." We were like 12 years old at had no idea what he was talking about.
Nighty Night keep your butthole tight
Quote by AlexiSinergy
I heard my mom talking to her friend about going to a ****ing dildo party!
#24
Whenever my family eats hotdogs everything we say that night is usually "Mom, look at my wiener." or "Who wants to put a weiner in my buns?" Not that screwed up but its funny if your there.

EDIT: My friend's dad texted him in school saying, "Your english teacher smells like a camel's sweaty balls on a hot day in the desert."
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Holy shit, that was epic. A mighty roar escapeth'd my mouth.

Quote by WyvernOmega
I saw a penis.

last.fm
Last edited by CFH82 at Apr 4, 2008,
#25
My parents always wanted to be open about sex, so there's been way too much info shared.

Mum: "We won't tell you where we had sex today."
*looks pointedly at the kitchen countertop*

Grandmother, watching my half-sister walk up to the house: "She walks like a prostitute who's been on the job all night..."

Dad, picking up a leather belt: "Hey, that could be fun, you'd like this..."

Both parents, when we moved into a new house: "Oooh, a bar in the basement. We'll have to screw on top of that. And the pool table when we get that!"

Kids: "We heard you guys having sex last night."
Parents: "Nah, we're quiet, you probably heard the porno."

Me: "MUM, i heard you two last night AGAIN!"
Mum: "I'm sooooooo sorry, but omg last night was REEEEEEEEAAALLLLY GOOOOOD!!"


There are countless others.
*shudders*
#26
Quote by scrum_chick
My parents always wanted to be open about sex, so there's been way too much info shared.

Mum: "We won't tell you where we had sex today."
*looks pointedly at the kitchen countertop*

Grandmother, watching my half-sister walk up to the house: "She walks like a prostitute who's been on the job all night..."

Dad, picking up a leather belt: "Hey, that could be fun, you'd like this..."

Both parents, when we moved into a new house: "Oooh, a bar in the basement. We'll have to screw on top of that. And the pool table when we get that!"

Kids: "We heard you guys having sex last night."
Parents: "Nah, we're quiet, you probably heard the porno."

Me: "MUM, i heard you two last night AGAIN!"
Mum: "I'm sooooooo sorry, but omg last night was REEEEEEEEAAALLLLY GOOOOOD!!"


There are countless others.
*shudders*


Quote by Senor Kristian
Viking fact no. 1: Viking helmets did not have horn.
Viking fact no. 2: Vikings tobogganed on their shields into battle.
Viking fact no. 3: Vikings drank mead.
Viking fact no. 4: One of your ancestors are likely to have been raped by a viking.
#27
Quote by scrum_chick
My parents always wanted to be open about sex, so there's been way too much info shared.

Mum: "We won't tell you where we had sex today."
*looks pointedly at the kitchen countertop*

Grandmother, watching my half-sister walk up to the house: "She walks like a prostitute who's been on the job all night..."

Dad, picking up a leather belt: "Hey, that could be fun, you'd like this..."

Both parents, when we moved into a new house: "Oooh, a bar in the basement. We'll have to screw on top of that. And the pool table when we get that!"

Kids: "We heard you guys having sex last night."
Parents: "Nah, we're quiet, you probably heard the porno."

Me: "MUM, i heard you two last night AGAIN!"
Mum: "I'm sooooooo sorry, but omg last night was REEEEEEEEAAALLLLY GOOOOOD!!"


There are countless others.
*shudders*


#28
^hahahah wtf?

i havnt had any strange or weird conversations.. but the masturbation talk is always awkward.. or the "i found your porn" talk
#29
Quote by scrum_chick
My parents always wanted to be open about sex, so there's been way too much info shared.

Mum: "We won't tell you where we had sex today."
*looks pointedly at the kitchen countertop*

Grandmother, watching my half-sister walk up to the house: "She walks like a prostitute who's been on the job all night..."

Dad, picking up a leather belt: "Hey, that could be fun, you'd like this..."

Both parents, when we moved into a new house: "Oooh, a bar in the basement. We'll have to screw on top of that. And the pool table when we get that!"

Kids: "We heard you guys having sex last night."
Parents: "Nah, we're quiet, you probably heard the porno."

Me: "MUM, i heard you two last night AGAIN!"
Mum: "I'm sooooooo sorry, but omg last night was REEEEEEEEAAALLLLY GOOOOOD!!"


There are countless others.
*shudders*


how old are your parents?
Nighty Night keep your butthole tight
Quote by AlexiSinergy
I heard my mom talking to her friend about going to a ****ing dildo party!
#30
Quote by CFH82
EDIT: My friend's dad texted him in school saying, "Your english teacher smells like a camel's sweaty balls on a hot day in the desert."


I like Fall Out Boy.
That is all.
#31
Quote by salsawords
I farted on my 18 year old cousin, then he left the building and screamed that he was going to snap my neck and throw me in a ditch. Then his mom told me I was lucky that he didn't, being totally serious.



...thats really screwed up, your cousin doesn't sound stable.


and...well my buddies mom got him a giftcard for some leather store that she shops at, telling him that she "think's its in your taste, they have some really nice stuff there"

....he went there, only to find out that they sell leather whips/buttless chaps/other sexual....paraphernalia...
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Sometimes my penis stands up so I rub it and then he gets sick from the rubbing (probably an upset tummy) and throws up ... ...
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Im 18 and ive never had a wet dream. is that normal?
Quote by Våd Hamster
I used to think that girls only had 2 holes

^sex?
#32
"Hon, why haven't you ever asked if you were circumcised?"
...cus i know...
and the two times she walked in on my internet porn fun.
sorta ruined my fun...could've at least let me finished without saying "Bryon, the pencil in you pocket is going to break".
And I seriously did have a pencil in my pocket, she actually thought that was a pencil.
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For a moment I thought velcro shoes were ones with the whole bottom made of velcro

She could walk up your pubes with those

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this post has aids
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and 07'ers will always be well-respected members of UG society.
#33
My granny was telling me how she got pregnant at an early age and she doesn't think about what she says so she said "So whenever you pull down your pants think of me." I was like wow...
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#34
Quote by tayroar
My granny was telling me how she got pregnant at an early age and she doesn't think about what she says so she said "So whenever you pull down your pants think of me." I was like wow...


and do you?
Nighty Night keep your butthole tight
Quote by AlexiSinergy
I heard my mom talking to her friend about going to a ****ing dildo party!
#36
not mine but i was i the room when it was said my parents are funyn so my friend and i were 7 at the time and he had his hands down his pants his mom saw and randomly said " Zach you wouldnt know the diffrence from pissin and cummin" there are some other ones but cant remember
Quote by campbell92
I do hate it though, when I trip and a guy pulls his pants down at the same time and his penis goes inside my mouth.
#37
Quote by Sw00t
and do you?


Yes
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#38
Quote by Masamune
My cousin just came to me out of nowhere and said, "Fuck me in the ass."


Pics or it didn't happen lol
To atone a sin I didn't care for, but a sin that paid my debts
A sin that fed my children and burned my smiles and cigarettes
#39
my grandma and my mom got into an arguement.
and my grandma's like WELL YOURE A BAD MOTHER BLAH BLAH BLAH LET ME ADOP YOUR KID

and im like i dont wanna be with you
im like 17
i have a choice

and shes like BE QUIET THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND YOUR MOM


i hope the bitch chokes on the next peanut she puts in ehr mouth
#40
Quote by CFH82
Whenever my family eats hotdogs everything we say that night is usually "Mom, look at my wiener." or "Who wants to put a weiner in my buns?" Not that screwed up but its funny if your there.

EDIT: My friend's dad texted him in school saying, "Your english teacher smells like a camel's sweaty balls on a hot day in the desert."

hahahahhahaha sounds like my family
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