#1
VERSE 1:
I know better days will come
it just takes a few to know
Seattle is getting kind of distant
Portland seems forever ago

VERSE 2:
Do I fight this even if I can
make some friends out of the rain
I know you're not one for feelings
I didn't come here to complain

CH: (tempo increase x2, add drums)
Come on, tell me now that I am the one
I meant when I said that you are that one
yeah I know you never asked
and I don't do well with rules
if my only fault was you
then what am I supposed to do?

VERSE 3:
you're asking a lot less from me
your actions make words only words
eventually I'll make it to alright
make this past tense and move on in life

V4:
I can blame this city for being the cause
oh how it thinks I've made a mess of myself
sun fades to moon with no word from you
now I hear you're falling into someone else

CHORUS

V5:
things appear fine for now
the window is getting easier to close
I'm still trying so hard to reach you
and I love you, if you didn't already know

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Song is actually about my brother, but hopefully it is relatable to a few different situations. Leave suggestions, they will be returned ... eventually.

Leave a link if you would!!

--J.
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5
#2
Its really good, and I actually thought u were talkin about a girl until I read what you put at the end, so it can be used in different situations thats good it ryhmes good and the rythme is great good job and if you dont mind criting mine pick one in my sig i dont care which
#3
VERSE 1:
I know better days will come
it just takes a few to know
Seattle is getting kind of distant
Portland seems forever ago


This was a strong opening. I don't see anything I'd change about it.


VERSE 2:
Do I fight this even if I can
make some friends out of the rain
I know that you're not one for feelings
I didn't come here to complain


"Even" seems out of place here, and taking it out would put it at the same seven syllables as the first line of the first verse, and that would sound better. I suggest omitting it. Perhaps add "that" after "I know" to make it sound a little smoother.


CH: (tempo increase x2, add drums)
Come on, tell me now that I am the one
I meant it when I said that you are that one
yeah I know you never asked
but I don't do well with rules
if my only fault was you
then what am I supposed to do?


I think you should add "it" after "I meant", for the sake of clarification. Maybe replace "and" with "but" in the fourth line.


VERSE 3:
you're asking a lot less from me
your actions make words just words
eventually I'll make it to alright
make this past tense and move on in life


I'd replace "only" with "just" because a shorter-sounding word would fit better. The third line throws this off a little. Did you mean to say "Eventually I'll make it through all right"? Because if you did, then that's perfectly fine. If you didn't, I'm not sure what to make of that line.


V4:
I can blame this city for being the cause
oh how it thinks I've made a mess of myself
sun fades to moon with no word from you
now I hear you're falling into someone else


"Into"? Didn't you mean "for"? Sounds sorta perverted. Either way, pretty good verse here.


V5:
things seem to be fine, at least for now
the window is getting easier to close
I'm still trying so hard to reach you
and I love you, if you didn't already know


How about fixing up that first line a bit? It was awfully short. Good end, though.


Overall, I liked this piece. It was thoughtful and moving in a simple, straightforward way. I'd like to hear it put to music someday.

Here's mine: click!
...

#4
thats cool, man. I live in portland and its raining right now lol.


lyrics remind me of 'seattle' by the classic crime. Good song, you should check that band out.


hannakis has some great suggestions...
#5
Appreciate all the crits, sorry it took me so long to return the favor. I'm doing a rework now and would like some more thoughts ...
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5