#1
I like to write in my free time, and I sat down and wrote this one day. It's a little cheesy, but I'm happy with it. There's gonna be a second part to it eventually. Just wondering what the pit thinks of it.

Starless Starlight

He collapsed down into the seat. How had he gotten to this point? Less than six hours prior, his life had been whole… That simple thought amazed him. He had been happy not that long ago. Now his life was empty, and he had nowhere to go. His mind was numbly racing as he stared out into the night. Unfortunately, memory is a funny thing. The harder you try to remember something - the harder it becomes. And the harder he tried, the more holes his memory seemed to have.
Jumping out of his seat, he kicked the door in anger. The metal caved and a loud bang echoed down the hall. He stood for several minutes staring at the dent he made, but no one came inquiring as to the source of the noise. He was in the very last car of the train and there weren’t many passengers riding at 1:41 in the morning. A cool night breeze made the curtains flutter in front of the open rear window. With his anger receding, he sat back down and gently pulled the curtains aside. The moon was almost full and there were thin, wispy clouds drifting parallel to the horizon. The stars were twinkling brightly in the darkness. They almost seemed to mock him with their luminescence.
“Those stars….” he whispered to himself. “Those damn stars….”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He knew he was home as he walked through the front door. The living room was spotless and the smell of his favorite dish drifted from the adjacent kitchen. His wife poked her head around the doorway, smiled at him, and disappeared again. He could hear her humming happily as she cooked and it made him smile. He could recognize that tune anywhere. It was their favorite song. They had danced to it a hundred times and would dance to it a hundred times more.
He hung up his coat and walked into the kitchen. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She continued to chop vegetables as he held her for several minutes. When she finished making the salad she playfully scolded him for distracting her and told him to go relax. As he walked away she stopped him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He walked into the living room and….
…they were eating dinner. His plate was piled high with delicious food. He ate it quickly - yet every bite was savored. The two of them sat side by side at the large table. They talked and laughed over the various events of their day. Occasionally her hand would stray from her plate and touch his, and every time he would look at her and smile. After they finished eating they got up and….
…they were lying on the grass in the backyard. She was nuzzled up close to him with her head on his shoulder. It was a beautiful night and the stars were shining brightly. He had never seen them so bright before. From time to time she would lean up and whisper “I love you“ into his ear. Everything was so peaceful and…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

…he was jerked awake as the train began to lurch slowly forward. He looked at his watch - 2:00. The engine began to pick up speed as it’s momentum began to build. Trees rushed by in a dark blur as the train wound it’s way through the countryside. He leaned out the window and stared at the town shrinking away into the distance. Everything he had loved was in that town. Everything he had loved had been taken away. Tears began to slide down his face and were stolen by the wind as tiny stars reflecting the moonlight.
“Goodbye.. Elena..” he whispered.
~~~
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#3
i'm sure your story is really good. i just don't have the attention span to get past the 2nd sentence.
#5
It needs a bit of editing, but other than that it's all right. Definitely needs to be continued, though, and have a plot of it's kind of pointless.
Quote by J_J

stupid ppl (they're like slinkies, not good for much, but they make you smile when pushed down the stairs)

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Holy non-gender specific pronoun Batman!

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you dont rly play guitar if you dont shred
#8
I think there's a thing on this in Songwriting and Lyrics. They might only do poetry but in here the only response you'll get is 'lulz, needs more mudkips'.

Which brings me to my recommendation: lulz, it needs more mudkips.
#10
A few pointers:
-Too many shortish sentances.
-Boring vocab.
-No Plot as yet?
-Boring punctuation; spruce it up abit with semi colons, brackets, dashes, elipses etc.
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Once i was watching porn, and this guy sucked this other guys nob. it was advertised as 'lesbian orgies' too.

furious masturbation followed