#1
Note: NEWER VERSION IN POST #3

Ok, im not very competent with my song writing. But I thought I should post and try and get some feedback, because I REALLY want to get better.

Nothing to Prove

Chorus
Ive got nothing to prove to you
Ive got everything to live for
just who are you to put me down
I do not need you any more

Verse 1
Restless voices and sharpened tounge's
Their second faces digging deep inside me
Its all becoming ever so clear
I need no more

(Chorus)

Verse 2
Im trying just to find an open mind
Not the many who are shut inside themselves
Poison laying down inside my head
Its o-ver now

(Chorus)

Verse 3
You try and try and try to break away
Tormenting follows you, try to escape its grasp
Turns rationality upside down
It fade-ing out


C4C ofcause
My stuff:
Fender Tele 60's Reissue
Schecter Blackhawk
Vintage V300 acoustic
Yamaha RB170 Bass

Peavey Classic 30 amp

Boss SD-1, DOD Grunge, Guyatone PS-010 Compressor, Marshall SV-1, Vox V847, Zoom G2, Line6 Echo Park
Last edited by nezv6 at Apr 7, 2008,
#2
Quote by nezv6
Ok, im not very competent with my song writing. But I thought I should post and try and get some feedback, because I REALLY want to get better.

Nothing to Prove

Chorus
Ive got nothing to prove to you
Ive got everything to live for
just who are you to put me down
I do not need you any more

I like this chorus. nothing to say here. good job

Verse 1
Restless voices and sharpened tounge's
Their second faces digging deep inside me
Its all becoming ever so clear
I need no more

check spelling (tongue) no big deal really just lettin ya know lol. this verse has a lot of meaning. i like it.

(Chorus)

Verse 2
Im trying just to find an open mind
Not the many who are shut inside themselves
Poison laying down inside my head
Its o-ver now

here i would try for line 2 *not the many who have shut themselves inside* it just seems to flow better it kinda sounded choppy to me. otherwise.. good verse

(Chorus)

Verse 3
You try and try and try to break away
Tormenting follows you, try to escape its grasp
Turns rationality upside down
It fade-ing out

sorry to say but this was my least favorite verse. the word *try* is very repetitive but also i suggest maybe taking *its grasp* out of line 2 it is just extra you really dont need . good word choice. nice ending line.


C4C ofcause



over all that was good. just a few little things to fix. good job.
#3
Cheers dude. I agree with pritty much everyrthing you say.
Here is an updated version of the lyrics. I changed the last verse almost completly. I chagend verse 2 like you said because its much better (I hope I never make money off of this, i'll have to pay you royalties lol).

Nothing to prove

Chorus
Ive got nothing to prove to you
Ive got everything to live for
Just who are you to put me down
I do not need you any more

Verse 1
Restless voices and sharpened tongue's
Their second faces digging deep inside me
Its all becoming ever so clear
I need no more

(Chorus)

Verse 2
I'm trying just to find an open mind
Not the many who who have closed themselves inside
Poison laying down inside my head
It's o-ver now

(Chorus)
Interlude (Solo/Breakdown)

Verse 3
No longer feel the need to justify
The things I do and the things I say to you
The cause of my irrationality
It's fad-ing out

(Chorus)


Edit: If you go to my profile, you can hear a very rough version of the music that goes with this.
My stuff:
Fender Tele 60's Reissue
Schecter Blackhawk
Vintage V300 acoustic
Yamaha RB170 Bass

Peavey Classic 30 amp

Boss SD-1, DOD Grunge, Guyatone PS-010 Compressor, Marshall SV-1, Vox V847, Zoom G2, Line6 Echo Park
#4
Quote by nezv6
Note: NEWER VERSION IN POST #3

Ok, im not very competent with my song writing. But I thought I should post and try and get some feedback, because I REALLY want to get better.

Nothing to Prove

Chorus
Ive got nothing to prove to you
Ive got everything to live for
just who are you to put me down
I do not need you any more

I really liked this whole stanza. The only complain i have with it is in like 2 i think it should say "everything left to live for" and in line 4 "i dont need you anymore" these are just personal preferance to me and i think they would sound better. but all in all, great.

Verse 1
Restless voices and sharpened tounge's
Their second faces digging deep inside me
Its all becoming ever so clear
I need no more

I agree with how you feel so far. so true... great stanza, i especiall like the first 2 lines.

(Chorus)

Verse 2
Im trying just to find an open mind
Not the many who are shut inside themselves
Poison laying down inside my head
Its o-ver now

This took me a while to understand, so that might be a problem. in line one i thought YOU were looking for an open mind, then it went into not looking for closed minded people, but then i realized you were looking for someone else with an open mind. And also i dont know if the - between the o and ver in like 4 was ment to be there or not but it doesnt make much sense there to me.

(Chorus)

Verse 3
You try and try and try to break away
Tormenting follows you, try to escape its grasp
Turns rationality upside down
It fade-ing out

after reading this i see why you had the - between o and ver in the other stanza. And i completely understand where your coming from in the entire song after reading this last line putting everything completely together. Only complaint on this stanza was the use of try to much. Other than that, great song bro =)


C4C ofcause


comment back https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=13686319#post13686319 =)