#1
Broke up with my girlfriend so I thought I'd have a little fun with it

By the way, "Slack Alice" is a Scottish term (well I've only ever heard it used in Scotland...). If you haven't already guessed, you should pick up what it means in the context it's used here.

Verse
It's 8 at night and she's already on the beat
Stalking her prey from out on the street
Beggars can't be choosers, or so I've heard
And there's no point trying to polish a turd
3 hours go by with reluctant free drinks
Until one of them staggers and throws up in the sink
Not feeling too clever he goes back to her place
To make sweet memories he can't erase

Chorus
You're just too easy, it makes me queesy
'Cause you're a real "Slack Alice", that's me not being callous
I just read the writing on the bedroom wall
Oh she gets plenty, but I feel empty
'Cause I can't feel nothing when I'm pushing and shoving
I'm glad I didn't pay

Verse
When the clothes come off it's not a pretty sight
So you feel much better when she turns out the light
Just close your eyes and pray for morning
She keeps trying but I keep yawning
Start to feel sorry, not just for me
So I give a few moans for sympathy
A whole hour later, I'm still not there
Start to wonder if this is going anywhere...

Chorus

Musical Interlude

Chorus
Quote by bjoern_swe
my mom found me sitting in the kitchen, eating Corn Flakes from the floor. when she asked me what I was doing, I just roared at her and ran up to my room.


George Foreman Grill Appreciation Society
Last edited by alliwant at Apr 7, 2008,
#2
Some of the rhymes, such as 'easy' and queezy' seem too forced, but I think that overall the rhyme scheme fits with the idea (sometimes AB rhyme can be nursery rhymey but I think it works here). You could develop the idea more though, maybe an overview of your thoughts near or at the end.

Could you crit mine? The 'yeah' in my sig.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!