#1
Sorry about the length, but I really couldn't stop penning this. I'm grateful for any critiques, and the quicker they come (if any do), the quicker I will gladly return.

Blame The Humans (Nature's Precedent)
_____________________________

Yeah, the world’s a ****ed up thing so who feels like joining me,
in parallel with it tonight?

And my dad oh how hard he tries and I am so grateful for all of his experienced advice,
but it’s not detriment to him; sometimes we just don’t see eye to eye.

All my standards they’ve been set and I never will expect you to accept,
my views when they’re expressed through your socialised vision.

Yeah, this is me and I am what I am,
I’m not asking you to to live with me in partisan;
I never expect you to see as I do,
I know my integrity isn’t canvassed naivity.

It used to be different and easier to digress,
when I had all the others I had to impress,
but realisation catalysed my mind which played its part in changing me.

As much as I see the world could be better,
I also welcome the hopelessness of knowing that’s what it will never (be),
Apathy never played a part - blame that on the humans (so naturally).

I’m trying to devise this deadwood so to seem,
that it could become meaningful to me, but it never will.
I transform my apathy to become all my energy,
That generates the ink to flow from this quill.

It’s often said we don’t know what we have
’til the pending end breaks our will,
This is how I already feel,
When you contend the words I speak understandably.
Does this mean the end has surpassed upon me?
I’m not even close.

In nihlistic terms you could say my life has no real "meaning",
But I’m willing to grasp a knife to cut up that very thing. Meaning.
This is just a vision, it’s what you make it,
I wish it was a dream so I could wake up.

I tried again just minutes ago, to converge the spirit in my blood,
to incant the semantics that are this song.
But I can’t even replicate what it means to myself.
The emotion tied to the words is so indescribable.

If this is nature as I’ve come to know it,
Then I’ll blame the humans for letting everything go,
I wasn’t aware nature was a precedent.
A precedent to blame how this world has turned in this undiscernible reality.
#2
Blame The Humans (Nature's Precedent)
_____________________________

Yeah, the world’s a ****ed up thing so who feels like joining me,
in parallel with it tonight?

I don't like the cussing :[ Too negative for my taste, sorry. And what does "in parallel with it tonight" mean?

And my dad oh how hard he tries and I am so grateful for all of his experienced advice,
but it’s not detriment to him; sometimes we just don’t see eye to eye.

I can relate... I feel the message was easily conveyed.

All my standards they’ve been set and I never will expect you to accept,
my views when they’re expressed through your socialised vision.

This is kinda hard, I don't sense any flow articulated... and the way you wrote it confuses me, why the comma after "accept"?

Yeah, this is me and I am what I am,
I’m not asking you to to live with me in partisan;
I never expect you to see as I do,
I know my integrity isn’t canvassed naivity.

I liked this, very well articulated. Quite crafty as well, nice job.

It used to be different and easier to digress,
when I had all the others I had to impress,
but realisation catalysed my mind which played its part in changing me.

I liked this stanza, as well, the poem is blossoming don't change this

As much as I see the world could be better,
I also welcome the hopelessness of knowing that’s what it will never (be),
Apathy never played a part - blame that on the humans (so naturally).

Hmm, reminds me of Kelly Osbourne :/

I’m trying to devise this deadwood so to seem,
that it could become meaningful to me, but it never will.
I transform my apathy to become all my energy,
That generates the ink to flow from this quill.

I don't get the connection between apathy and energy... totally different no? I like the last line, very "Across the universe"-esque.

It’s often said we don’t know what we have
’til the pending end breaks our will,
This is how I already feel,
When you contend the words I speak understandably.
Does this mean the end has surpassed upon me?
I’m not even close.

I like how line 2 rhymes with the last line of the previous stanza, and this whole stanza doesn't need any work, I don't imagine.

In nihlistic terms you could say my life has no real "meaning",
But I’m willing to grasp a knife to cut up that very thing. Meaning.
This is just a vision, it’s what you make it,
I wish it was a dream so I could wake up.

I can kinda relate to this :] I know what you're talking about, and I can sense how you feel in line 2.

I tried again just minutes ago, to converge the spirit in my blood,
to incant the semantics that are this song.
But I can’t even replicate what it means to myself.
The emotion tied to the words is so indescribable.

I like how you used better vocabulary, you aren't afraid of it, like most. Large vocabulary is beautiful! embrace it!.

If this is nature as I’ve come to know it,
Then I’ll blame the humans for letting everything go,
I wasn’t aware nature was a precedent.
A precedent to blame how this world has turned in this undiscernible reality.

Well, it tied together nicely I suppose, it could have been a better ending... maybe tell us more about why it's so discernible?

I'm not one for angsty poetry.. I prefer tranquility, vivid imagination, things I can feel and see, and relate. This isn't my style, but for the most part, I enjoyed reading it and feeling the aggression.

Crit mine?? http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=831179
Marijuana is the spice of life.

I Force Choke my penis when I masturbate.

8)-~
#3
The apathy stanza, where the quill is mentioned, is me trying to explain that it's the apathetic feeling that gets the pen moving on the paper to write this song. I use the apathy to give me energy so to speak.

The general consensus I tried to convey was also, that meaning in life is what you give it. It doesn't come from others, you SHOULD think individually and be free from external pressure, hence the father stanza. Also, I attempted to get across the idea that human's deem it natural that the world is how it is and can't be changed. I'm attacking this saying that the human's are using nature as an excuse for the problems of the world.

I hope that cleared a few things up, I was trying to write in a subtle style. I hope it wasn't too subtle!

Sure, I'll crit yours.