#1
My friend Robert created this fanfiction about Twilight:

Bella glared at Alice. Alice glared at Bella. Bella was wearing tight, green shorts.

“I like your shorts,” Alice said.

“I like your mountains,” Bella said.

“That’s silly. I don’t own any mountains.”

“I mean your breasts, you dumb ****ing bitch.”

“What exactly do you like about them?”

“Everything. Their shape and size. I love your nipples, too. They’re sexy. I would pay money to rub them around and around.”

“I get to rub them around for free.”

“Oh, you ****ing filthy slut.”

“Wanna ****?”

“Sure, Alice.” Bella seductively took off her tight green shorts, to reveal a tight thong. She pulled on her thong sexily, and then let it snap back to her skin. “Ouch.”

“Oh my God, Bella, that totally just ****ing turned me on. You’re so ****ing hot. I could watch you all day.”

“But why watch?”

“You’re right,” said Alice. She quickly got undressed. Her breasts jutted out. They really did look like mountains. She took one finger, and slowly started rotating her nipple, around and around and around… Bella’s eyes seemed to follow the nipple as it rotated.

“Oh, yeah bitch you are turning me on holy **** I could get an orgasm just watching you rotate your nipple damn.”

“But why do we need to dwell on breasts?” Alice asked. She pointed directly at her vagina. “**** this vagina, *****.”

“What about my vagina, you bitchy bitch. I should slap your ass right now, you vagina licker. Mine’s hotter.”

“Oh, **** off Bella. Just slap my vagina. You won’t even be able to locate my clit. Bitch.”

“I bet I can.” Bella got down on all fours and slowly crawled to Alice until her head was directly under her vagina. Her tongue shot out like a frog and hit Alice’s vagina. Alice shuddered with extreme pleasure. Her whole body vibrated. Bella took her fingers and tenderly touched Alice’s vagina. She pusher her hand deep into the skin around the vagina. Her hand slowly slid up into Alice’s vagina. Her hand tickled Alice’s vagina on the inside. Alice screamed. While her hands were tickling, Bella was doing other things with her legs and vagina. She wrapped her legs around Alice’s and slowly started humping her legs. It was hot.

“Oh, bitch, I love you. No wait, I just love your sex. I couldn’t give a **** about your personality,” Alice said.

“Save the talk for later, bitch.”

“Bella, take your ****ing thong off. I wanna feel your hairy jungle of a vagina against my clean-shaven legs, bitch.”

“I don’t have a hairy crotch. Bitch.”

“Oh yes you do.” Bella stopped tickling. She got up.

“Oh, my God Bella you are the biggest, hairiest ****ing ***** bitch slut ever to ever set foot in Forks you ****ing lesbian bitch **** you *****. Pulling out just before I climax? What a total mother****ing bitch you are.”

“You insulted me bitch. Time to pay.” Bella went to her green shorts and pulled out a knife.

“What are you-?” Quick as a flash Bella ren over. With the razor-sharp knife she slit both of Alice’s nipples in half.

“****! ****! HOLY **** YOU MOTHER****ING BITCH HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!” Alice screamed.

“Kiss my ass,” Bella said. Then she left.

The End
#3
I'm going to *report* you for sheer fail.
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#6
^ I take it you got my report.
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#9
Quote by The Hurt Within
Oh my.

I wanna leave this just for pure errr.. the words escape me.
^Lulz?
Current Gear:
LTD MH-400 with Gotoh GE1996T (EMG 85/60)
PRS SE Custom 24 (Suhr SSH+/SSV)
Ibanez RG3120 Prestige (Dimarzio Titans)
Squier Vintage Modified 70s Jazz V
Audient iD22 interface
Peavey Revalver 4, UAD Friedman BE100/DS40
Adam S3A monitors
Quote by Anonden
You CAN play anything with anything....but some guitars sound right for some things, and not for others. Single coils sound retarded for metal, though those who are apeshit about harpsichord probably beg to differ.
#10
Quote by Armitando
You'd probably not get the jokes if you haven't read Twilight.


damn my intelligence to hell!!!!
#11
Quote by Kensai
^ I take it you got my report.



Yes, remind me to thank you sometime for burning my eyes this way - pepper spray alright with you?
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#13
Quote by The Hurt Within
Yes, remind me to thank you sometime for burning my eyes this way - pepper spray alright with you?


I apologize my dear friend. I had no idea you'd read all of it
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#15
Quote by Armitando
My friend Robert

You lie.
Populus vult decipi. Decipiatur.

Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
It's can be a contraction and genitive case.

Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
If you cut down on these costs students won't learn so well, effecting the "quality"...
#16
I found the main protagonist to be unsympathetic and underdeveloped. The plot was too one-dimensional and your use of rhetorical devices was poor. Altogether, it left me unmoved.
#17
Quote by Armitando
HAI GUYS D00D I FOUND DIS VID OF SLASH AND HERMAN LI GUITAR BATTLE!!!!!!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI

Reeeeported!
Current Gear:
LTD MH-400 with Gotoh GE1996T (EMG 85/60)
PRS SE Custom 24 (Suhr SSH+/SSV)
Ibanez RG3120 Prestige (Dimarzio Titans)
Squier Vintage Modified 70s Jazz V
Audient iD22 interface
Peavey Revalver 4, UAD Friedman BE100/DS40
Adam S3A monitors
Quote by Anonden
You CAN play anything with anything....but some guitars sound right for some things, and not for others. Single coils sound retarded for metal, though those who are apeshit about harpsichord probably beg to differ.