#1
[Working Title]

Wake Up in your room
Do things you don't wanna do
Say no to sleeping late
Say yes to love not hate
Work all day, sleep half night
Wake up in a fright
Then you try to sleep away
But can't keep your frights at bay

I Wanna Live my Life! x 4

Go over get stuck in a box
Where all that matters is the clocks
As your energy is drained away
This is definately not your way
Go home where you're safe
But not from the work you hate
As you work even more
You just might faint on the floor

I Wanna Live my Life! x 4

Go back to the same old cycle
As you're totally drained away
Into a worthless waste of space
On a mantle, in a vase
Now you're dead, what did you do?
Nothing, how bout you?
All I did was waste the earth
And do nothing but work

I Wanted To Live my Life! x 4


You crit mine I crit yours, how else does it work.
Bitch Stole My Taco!
#2
hmmm. not to be rude at all but i dont get it. i kinda get that someone is unhappy with there life, but its hard for me to tell if im anywhere close to what it really means... and also the rhyme scheme is very awkward sounding =/ sorry bro. but maybe thats just me
#3
Wake Up in your room
Do things you don't wanna do
Say no to sleeping late
Say yes to love not hate
Work all day, sleep half night
Wake up in a fright
Then you try to sleep away
But can't keep your frights at bay


"Wake up in a fright" seems a bit short. I'd add to it. Maybe add "it" after "try." Sounding pretty good so far, though.


I Wanna Live my Life! x 4


I'm gonna assume that this is a Nirvana-esque repeating chorus.


Go over get stuck in a box
Where all that matters is the clocks
As your energy is drained away
This is definately not your way
Go home where you're safe
But not from the work you hate
As you work even more
You just might faint on the floor


This verse is pretty interesting. The last couplet is a little weak, though. Maybe think about changing that up a bit?


Go back to the same old cycle
As you're totally drained away
Into a worthless waste of space
On a mantle, in a vase
Now you're dead, what did you do?
Nothing, how bout you?
All I did was waste the earth
And do nothing but work


You lost your rhyming scheme here, the first two lines don't rhyme. Maybe "Go back to the same thing every day, til' you're totally drained away." Those last six lines are excellent, wouldn't change anything about them. Strong ending.


This makes me think Nirvana, which automatically makes me like it. I'd have to hear it put to music for the full effect, though. So get to that!
...

#4
mmm, i think i get the message of this song. It's about not wanting to waste your life by just working to survive in a corpate/cubicle place and just wanting to live a life.
Like said above, i can imagine a nirvanish sound behind it.
Some lines are weaker than others and some are really solid. The rhyming gets a little off at some points and kind of drags the piece down a little.
overall though very nice.


Love the Low end
#5
Quote by Hannakins
I'm gonna assume that this is a Nirvana-esque repeating chorus.

Hahah yeah.

Quote by Hannakins

This makes me think Nirvana, which automatically makes me like it. I'd have to hear it put to music for the full effect, though. So get to that!

Yeah, our singer sounds a lot like Cobain. Kurt's his biggest influence. We burnt a speaker for him Saturday which was the anniversary of his death.


Changed it up a little:

Wake Up in your room
Do things you don't wanna do
say no to sleeping late
say yes to love not hate
Work all day, sleep half night
wake up in a fright
Then you try to sleep away
but can't keep your frights at bay

I Wanna Live my Life! x 4

Go over get stuck in a box
Where all that matters is the clocks
As your energy is drained away
This is definately not your way
Go home where you're safe
But not from the work you hate
And as you work even more
You just might die on the floor

I Wanna Live my Life! x 4

Go back to the same thing every day
As you're toatally drained away
Into a worthless waste of space
On a mantle, in a vase
Now you're dead waht did you do?
Nothing, how bout you?
All I did was waste the earth
And do nothing but work

I Wanted To Live my Life! x 4
Bitch Stole My Taco!
#6
awsome man!
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