#1
She dated you,
She dumped you
cuz she was using you

*six beats played

and now you are mine,
but now she like you
and i got my headache again

*music break

I know you are mine
but i got this uneasy feeling
I know you are mine but

CHORUS:
whats it gunna be
whats it gunna be
who's it gunna be
who's it gunna be
her or me??

*20 beats played

*chorus

and now she is telling me
she is moving
down. the. street.
from you(screams you)

*chorus X2

I dont know
should i move on
but i know that
once you gone
youre really really gone
your not coming back
not ever(screams ever)

whats it gunna be
whats it gunna be
who's it gunna be
who's it gunna be
her or me?

whats it gunna be
whats it gunna be
who's it gunna be
who's it gunna be
her or me?

whats it gunna be
whats it gunna be
who's it gunna be
who's it gunna be
her or me?

her or me?
her or me?(screams in backround)
her or me?
her or me?
ahh ahh oh ahh ahh oh ahh ahh oh ahh ahh oh
her or me?
#2
Sound like it could be a punk-eske/acoustic song. But looks pretty good, could do with some tweaking though
#3
You should at least give us some sort of Genre this song is to be played in. Not exactly impressive.
#4
Quote by Rockera
Sound like it could be a punk-eske/acoustic song. But looks pretty good, could do with some tweaking though

Yeah i have been working on fixing a little but i got kind of stuck
#9
Quote by vigenharutyunya
well acutally sry but this is nto a piece of genius invention

I also wrote it under like 10 minutes so it was really quick
#11
Quote by vigenharutyunya
oh than that's ok i guess... hmm off course you ll get better after a while in ten mintues song writings...

yeah i usually spend hours on songs..... then my friend told me something and i got mad
so i wrote it in class in like 10 minutes
#12
oh.. i write some songs during calsses as well... hmm go to my band's page and listen to he "New blues idea" please... if yri nterested....
oh and tehre're also the lyrics but this song uses soem bluesy lyrics

check out outher songs as well

btw i write songs from 5 minutes to mothes... (hmm got some songs which are still not finished... i've started them a year ago btw
#14
this writing isn't very good, it may work with instrumental backing but are piss poor standing on their own.
#16
Alrighty, lets do this.

So here's the deal, like many have already pointed out, this wasn't very good. It was full of boring and repetitive ideas, uncreative sentences and generally uninteresting-ness. I'm sure you can tell this already... so the main question is, where do you go from here?

Allow me some guidance and words of wisdom here. First, drop this "following what's popular" stuff. Just because everyone else is writing about a breakup doesn't make it good. Sometimes it can be, but here you didn't do it well. You did it very plainly and very un-originally. If you are going to do a common idea, you need to do it in a way that makes people go, "wow, I've never heard it said like that before" instead of in a way that makes people go... "damn, I heard that on the radio yesterday" otherwise you won't stick out.

second, learn some writing techniques. Find out what a metaphor is, find out what a similie is, find out what an alliteration is, and then use them. Writing in such a straightforward way just begs the reader to think you have no creativity.

Third, develop some sort of style. This kinda goes with number 2... but its a bit different. Find different techniques that you like, and then learn how you like to use them. Take advice from people who have been writing longer than you on how to use them... but make sure that your writing is your own voice and what you want to say. You need to make what you write distinct in some way so that people think, "wow, he's got something I really like in how he writes."

Finally, Keep Writing. the only way to get better is to practice.

So, summary. Basically, this piece was pretty bad. It didn;t offer anything in the way of creativity or originality, but it is a first step to writing... and I suggest you keep going.

-zC
#17
Quote by ZanasCross
Alrighty, lets do this.

So here's the deal, like many have already pointed out, this wasn't very good. It was full of boring and repetitive ideas, uncreative sentences and generally uninteresting-ness. I'm sure you can tell this already... so the main question is, where do you go from here?

Allow me some guidance and words of wisdom here. First, drop this "following what's popular" stuff. Just because everyone else is writing about a breakup doesn't make it good. Sometimes it can be, but here you didn't do it well. You did it very plainly and very un-originally. If you are going to do a common idea, you need to do it in a way that makes people go, "wow, I've never heard it said like that before" instead of in a way that makes people go... "damn, I heard that on the radio yesterday" otherwise you won't stick out.

second, learn some writing techniques. Find out what a metaphor is, find out what a similie is, find out what an alliteration is, and then use them. Writing in such a straightforward way just begs the reader to think you have no creativity.

Third, develop some sort of style. This kinda goes with number 2... but its a bit different. Find different techniques that you like, and then learn how you like to use them. Take advice from people who have been writing longer than you on how to use them... but make sure that your writing is your own voice and what you want to say. You need to make what you write distinct in some way so that people think, "wow, he's got something I really like in how he writes."

Finally, Keep Writing. the only way to get better is to practice.

So, summary. Basically, this piece was pretty bad. It didn;t offer anything in the way of creativity or originality, but it is a first step to writing... and I suggest you keep going.

-zC

Thanks dude, that really helpful