This is a little heavier than what I normally write.

I think it sounds something like the newer Alter Bridge stuff and in retrospect, I believe I stole the intro from Bullets (Creed).

Your thoughts?


Parts I like:

-Feel change in ms 59
-Modulations in ms 63 and 133
-G# at the end of choruses 2 and 3. Resolves to a D. On paper, that shouldn't work but somehow it does here.
Well that was really cool, I really liked the single string riffs and the E and the D strings, they seemed kinda metalcorey but in a cool way (Is that possible?)

It seemed to be a solid song. Do you actually have a band to perform this with because you do have the vocals tabbed out?

The breakdown didn't really seem like a breakdown in my opinion, just another riff in the song, not that that's a bad thing.

Overall it's really cool.

Crit mine if you want (But, it's different, beware)
lol thanks.

yes, i do have a band to perform this with (red goodbye) but even if i didn't, i would've put the vocals because the voc melody is so important to the songs i write.

i figured it was a breakdown because it got more aggressive lol. what actually defines 'breakdown'?
Holy crap that was a sweet song. It was really well put together. I especially loved the chorus, it was really great. You have some really great riff, too, oing on there. The one at bar 27 was really awesome.

But yeah, it wasn't really a breakdown, more like a bridge/another riff, but it was cool . Nice job there. My only complaint is on the outro. I wasn't really too keen on the outro, as it really left a feeling for more as it kinda hangs there. It also needs a Tremonti-esque solo ! lol

Overall, it was really good, and I really enjoyed listening to it. Kinda have a core sounding to it, but still great. 10/10 from me.

You could crit mine if you'd like to, but I don't know if it's your cup of tea. It's an epic symphonic power metal piece over 11 minutes long lol. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=831174

oh btw, breakdown :

In popular music a break is an instrumental or percussion section or interlude during a song derived from or related to stop-time – being a "break" from the main parts of the song or piece.

A break may be described as when the song takes a "breather, drops down to some exciting percussion, and then comes storming back again" and compared to a fake ending. Breaks usually occur two-thirds to three-quarters of the way through a song (Brewster and Broughton 2003, p.79).

The breakdown in the metal and hardcore punk genres is where a band will usually play in half time, giving the feeling of a slower tempo.

Taken from wikipedia
Some cool riffs here dude!

But sometimes it just sounded empty, maybe layer some guitars? Left & Right channels and such. I'm used to doing that, so maybe it just sounds empty to me, im not sure.

The vocals in the verse?
I sing high but what the hell lol!
I'm not sure what the term for my range is but I can get up to the D at the 10th fret on the high e of a guitar, without resorting to falsetto/headvoice. But those vocals are just, dude! Cool melody, but way to highhhh!
Was it a falsetto thing? Or a scream maybe?
Maybe, have them an octave lower, but faintly in the background have that higher bit as falsetto, sort of like the verses in A7x's 'Scream' except they didn't use falsetto.

The chorus was very cool, again some overly high vocals.
But I don't know your range, must be overly high.

All the riff's so far are really catchy, and great chord useage in the chorus!

The bridge was more of a breakdown, but it was cool!
The breakdown was like, a sort of Interlude, maybe. Not sure, not very breakdownish!

Jstu noticed the lead in the chorus, very cool!
Keychange flows really well!

Your right, the G# to a D at the end sounds really cool!

Great song, 9.5/10
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Pretty much agree with what Carl said =), except I really wasn't keen on the vocals during the verses at all. They just didn't really seem to fit in my opinion, but thats just me. #

Easily 9/10
The vocal line is written an octave higher than it'll be sang. I can hear the intervals clearer at that octave, so that's how I write.

GP4 format: http://www.alexruimy.com/uploads/text/workingtitle.gp4

This version, for whatever reason, has 8 extra measures in v1. So the parts I like are now as follows (for this version only!):
-Feel change in ms 67
-Modulations in ms 71 and 141
-G# at the end of choruses 2 and 3. Resolves to a D. On paper, that shouldn't work but somehow it does here.

Thanks for the feedback everyone!
Last edited by alexruimy at Apr 11, 2008,
Hey I'm just listening to this now, and I like it very much, the arrangement is very nice, the song flows beautifully, and you never get bored listening to it. I like the feel in the chorus, it's almost a kind of medieval thing you have going on there.

But man, I feel sorry for whoever's playing the piece labeled "Rhythm 2" during the first section of the song. It's more exciting at the end, but it might be possible to spice up some of those powerchord backing lines, as well layering something slightly different behind the parts that don't have anything. I suppose it depends how busy you like your music.

But back to the positives! The fill where you've confessed your passion for cupcakes adds so much in a small space - it's like the edgy feel of the interlude coming to a climax, and at the same time it contrasts with the next bar contributing to that mood change you were talking about. And also the heavy bridge ('breakdown') is great too, I especially like the drums and the way they build up towards the end of it.

It does have a bit of a 'core' feel to it, mainly the part with alternating vocals and guitar. It reminds me a little bit of From First To Last, but that's okay, cause I like some of their stuff!

Crit mine if you want, it's the one in my sig!

My Bands

Latest Original Recording
Wow, this is great.

Really the only thing I don't like is the vocal parts in the verse.

I like the Bbadd11 chord in the chorus.

Nice Job.
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Wow, I love the section at 'Band In' you have to record that. Similarly with the verse, the vocals really add a great melody over the riff. The overdriven guitar really compliments the vocals as well. The chorus, however needs to be more powerful imo. I'm not sure how you could do that but perhaps maybe add something to just give it that extra boost of energy. However it still sounds good with the song.

I also like bridge, it suits the song well, however I think you should either get rid of the breakdown or replace it with something else. I don't think it really fits there and I think transitioning straight from the bridge into the chorus works well. Overall, though, it's a great song dude, something catchy that one can really get into. I'd be interested to hear this recorded and with lyrics, as I think it has potential


Thanks =D