#1
This is something that I saw in Spanish. Very funny so I thought I'd post it here.
Translated by me .
Let's suppose that there's a princess in a castle guarded by a dragon.

Power Metal:
The main character arrives in a white winged horse, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess, and takes her far away where they make love.

True Metal:
The main character arrives at the castle with his sword. He kills the dragon with it, and covered in its blood he ****s the princess.

Thrash Metal.
Character arrives at the castle, kills the dragon, screws the princess.

Heavy Metal:
The main character arrives at the castle in a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon. Then he proceeds to have some beers with the princess and then they have sex.

Folk Metal:
The main character arrives at the castle with some friends playing the accordion, lute, violin, and other different instruments.
The dragon falls asleep from so much dancing. Then they leave. Without the princess.

Death Metal:
The main character arrives at the castle, kills the dragon, ****s the princess, kills her, then leaves.

Black Metal:
The main character arrives at the castle at midnight in the middle of the mist.
He kills the dragon and then impales him in front of the castle.
He then sodomizes the princess, cuts her with his dagger, and then drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.
Then discovers that she wasn't a virgin and impales her body next to the dragon.

Gore Metal:
The main character arrives at the castle, kills the dragon, and burns it.
He goes to the castle, screws the princess, and then kills her. He screws her again. He burns her body. He screws her again.
Before leaving, he eats the monster and the princess.

Doom Metal:
The main character arrives at the castle. He looks at the dragon's size and suicides.
The dragon eats his body and the princess.

Nu Metal:
He arrives at the castle bragging about how well he fights and how he's going to own the dragon.
The dragon beats the **** out of him. He escapes and finds the princess. He then tells her about his tragic childhood.
The princess slaps him, and looks for the "Heavy Metal" knight.
The Nu Metal knight takes a prozak and records a "Best Of" album.

Classic Rock:
He arrives at the castle smoking a joint, and offers it to the dragon which by chance was his friend. He then camps at the back of the castle, and after a lot of drugs, sex, and rock 'n roll with the princess, he overdoses on LSD and drowns on his own puke.

Punk Rock:
He arrive at the castle, throws a rock at the dragon and escapes. He then paints a big anarchy A on the castle's wall, and opens a magazines shop at the castle.

Progressive Rock:
He arrives, and plays a virtuoso 26 minutes long guitar solo. The dragon dies of boredom.
The he arrives at the princess room, and plays another solo exploring all the techniques he learned in the conservatory.
The princess escapes looking for the "Heavy Metal" knight.

Hard Rock:
He arrives at a red fancy car with two blonds while drinking a Jack Daniels bottle.
He kills the dragon with a knife, and then engages in an orgy with the princess and the blonds.

Glam Metal:
He arrives at the castle. The dragon looks at him, laughs, and lets him pass. He steals the princess makeup, and then convinces the dragon to paint the castle in pink.

Viking Metal:
The character arrives at a long ship, kills the dragon with an axe, cooks it, and eats it.
He rapes the princess, loots the castle, and sets everything on fire before leaving.
He makes the princess his sex slave.

Well enjoy it Pit.
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#2
lol at the death metal one
and the gore metal and nu metal ones two. thrash metal could be beefed up though
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#5


Thats freakin awesome!! I loved the Black metal, and the Gore Metal ones!!



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#7
Lulz
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#9
different variation of an old one i've seen.

but still awesome
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#10
very nice! i liked the black metal
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#11
Well, I loled
My Old Progressive Metal Band:
Acrasia
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.
#13
Haha I guess that makes me the Progressive Knight.

They forgot speed metal knight and the metalcore one though.
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#15
That was pretty funny, never seen it before though.
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#18
I lol'd at the black metal one.
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#19
Quote by Spockleatard
I didn't understand the Doom one.

Doom Metal is a kinda depressive kind of metal. About the apocalypses and depressing subjects.
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#21
Quote by urik
Doom Metal is a kinda depressive kind of metal. About the apocalypses and depressing subjects.

Oh I see
#26
Thats awesome
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#27
i found a similar one on a local band's myspace. it's pretty funny.


If Metal Was a Hot Chick You Were Copulating With

(a study of different sub-genres)


Death metal: She strangles you with the umbilical cord of her 3rd-trimester aborted child and chops off your testicles with a rusty knife, then urinates on your corpse.

Progressive metal: She ignores you completely and masturbates instead.

Black metal: She drags you to the forest and sodomizes you with a crucifix, then accuses you of being a Zionist, communist homosexual and stabs you to death. She then burns your body for the glory of Odin and offers herself to a goat.

Power metal: N/A. No hot chick listens to power metal. Unless you're a chubby-chaser.

Doom metal: She whines about you thrusting too fast, then begins sobbing. She wonders why no one understands her, passes out from too much absinthe, and you don't get laid that night.

Grindcore: She gets you off in 30 seconds or less.


Folk metal: The session ends in disgust before it really started, because flutes simply aren't meant for certain orifices.

Thrash metal: You both have really sloppy, fast-paced sex then never see her for years. When she shows up again, she's gained 40 pounds, and she's bald.

Metalcore: You have awesome sex, and then you find out she's 15. You get arrested.
Go Veg.
#28
Quote by urik
This is something that I saw in Spanish. Very funny so I thought I'd post

Classic Rock:
He arrives at the castle smoking a joint, and offers it to the dragon which by chance was his friend. He then camps at the back of the castle, and after a lot of drugs, sex, and rock 'n roll with the princess, he overdoses on LSD and drowns on his own puke.

Punk Rock:
He arrive at the castle, throws a rock at the dragon and escapes. He then paints a big anarchy A on the castle's wall, and opens a magazines shop at the castle.

Progressive Rock:
He arrives, and plays a virtuoso 26 minutes long guitar solo. The dragon dies of boredom.
The he arrives at the princess room, and plays another solo exploring all the techniques he learned in the conservatory.
The princess escapes looking for the "Heavy Metal" knight.

Hard Rock:
He arrives at a red fancy car with two blonds while drinking a Jack Daniels bottle.
He kills the dragon with a knife, and then engages in an orgy with the princess and the blonds.


Well enjoy it Pit.



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#29
Quote by im not mental


Metalcore: You have awesome sex, and then you find out she's 15. You get arrested.


metalcore ha! that sucks
#33
I've seen ones very similar to this and this one before, still funny though.
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#37
The prog made me angry, but it's all in jest so I guess it's okay.
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cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#38
a band from my area posted this, it was quite lol-worthy
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