#1
Okay, thats a tentative title. The song was written originally with the idea of why people tie knots so tight, only to wonder why they are having a hard time loosening the knot. This made me think of a couple that decided to go into a relationship without that full 100% feeling and this one moment in time, which you'll see in the lyrics, has made them realized that this silence in the room that they have never experienced before, shows that things will soon start to go downhill. These were written relatively quickly and they completely just jumped out of my mind, no revisions to anything. My band mates like them but imagine them sung with the pacing of a Coheed and Cambria song, if you're familiar with them.

Also, Im unsure of how the song will be structured past the first two paragraphs, which are a verse and a chorus. I'm thinking the last one will be a bridge or breakdown or something. We'll see I guess. All comments, critiques, suggestions are welcome ^^


We lie and think for a while,
trying to figure out what was in our heads,
the clockwork of gears kept on turning,
would we ever go to bed?
The conversations were usually sealed tightly,
usually by the touch of our lips
Trying to find the words that would lead to goodnight,
seemed to just fall off our minds
We tied a knot, that didnt need to be pulled, any further

Lying there, beside you, without having the slightless clue,
of whats to come, and what went by,
the silence tells the coming tide?
I thought I knew who you were,
until I found out I didn't know who I was,
I thought I knew who you were,
until the knot was choking us

And if we goooooo to sleep,
it will be the end of a dream
And if we stay like thissssss,
we'll feel the fall and trip
We'll untie and say goodbye
This is not a lullaby
Its instead a growing cry

The Silence says so much moooooooooooooooooooooore than words ever will
You and I both knoooooooooooooooow what this is coming to,
This is coming to, this is coming to
This is coming to, this is coming to!....
"Don't panic, everything is falling neatly out of order"
- Douglas Adams
Last edited by Otnip at Apr 8, 2008,
#2
Yea... i can hear C&C singin this lol. The only differance i see between this song and one of theres is that this rhymes and makes sense where a lot of coheed and cambria songs dont =). Love it though... good job
#3
Quote by NiCKh609
Yea... i can hear C&C singin this lol. The only differance i see between this song and one of theres is that this rhymes and makes sense where a lot of coheed and cambria songs dont =). Love it though... good job


Gracias, I wanted to keep a kind of already done topic but put it in a perspective where it kind of captures one moment when the reality that things won't stay the same and it bugs them to the point of no sleep
"Don't panic, everything is falling neatly out of order"
- Douglas Adams
#5
We lie and think for a while,
trying to figure out what was in our heads,
the clockwork of gears kept on turning,
would we ever go to bed?
The conversations were usually sealed tightly,
usually by the touch of our lips
Trying to find the words that would lead to goodnight,
seemed to just fall off our minds
We tied a knot, that didnt need to be pulled, any further

pretty good start. though the first line seems a bit generic, i like the second line definitely a solid line. ingereral, i relaly cant find anything egregious here. is till think you can spoof up the first line tho but it is sufficient i suppose.

Lying there, beside you, without having the slightless clue,
of whats to come, and what went by,
the silence tells the coming tide?
I thought I knew who you were,
until I found out I didn't know who I was,
I thought I knew who you were,
until the knot was choking us

slightest i think you mean not slightless. lol i like the second line just sounds good. last line sounds akward, maybe "until the knot choked us both". first line is way too wordy, maybe keep everything up to the second comma and cut out "without..." and just say clueless.and something about the third line just bugs me.. but it might jsut be me

And if we goooooo to sleep,
it will be the end of a dream
And if we stay like thissssss,
we'll feel the fall and trip
We'll untie and say goodbye
This is not a lullaby
Its instead a growing cry

whats with the "goooooo"? seems pointless just put go?. once again Thissss is that necessary? mm other then that i thought the last lines were very good

The Silence says so much moooooooooooooooooooooore than words ever will
You and I both knoooooooooooooooow what this is coming to,
This is coming to, this is coming to
This is coming to, this is coming to!....

once again.. the OOOOOO things just are annoying to look at. mm the closing is very... unsatisfying. it's just very dry... it seems like you just wanted to end so you were like.. mm i like these few words lets just repeat... very bland and i think it needs to be changed. somethinga little more active. more engaging. mm or maybe just take this whole stanza out and close with "it's instead a growing cry" it would serve as a much better closing i think

overall it was solid. you had your ups and downs. i thought you started off very strong. then you just got lazy. but not bad.. in general you had some moments. crit mine? in sig
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")