here is a song i wrote in like 3 minutes.

tell me what you think please

here goes:

With beauty inside and out
Your kind heart and razor sharp soul
The words you speak see right through me
You know my intentions and I know yours
But when you look at me I can hardly breathe
Under the moonlight take my hand
Hold it tight, keep me warm
Tell me what I need to hear to stay alive tonight
You shall remain my cure for my broken heart
You always take away the pain that cuts me in two

i thought this was quite good a bit on the short side but that doesn't matter...sometimes short is better and i think that this song is one of those cases.
i think its pretty good, i like it. you could maybe add a chorus and a little bit more but i also agree with deceiveroffools about short is sometimes better.