#1
crit4crit

THEORETICAL PRAYERS

I had to abstain from writing psalms
So I wrote tabloids about your God
Too long have I praised a messiah
Who kept on living in denial

Don't ever believe what you read
The only gospel is what you see
Stop living for theoreticals
And praying for a miracle

I was born to crucify for Christ
But God won't accept my sacrifice
Holy Spirit, won't you give me
The gift of God's obituary

Don't ever believe what you read
The only gospel is what you see
Stop living for theoreticals
And praying for a miracle
#2
sorry man, i wasn't very impressed with this. you've got a lot to say here, but it's just not being said. elaboration is the key for depth.

it may execute well as a song, but as words alone, it holds no strength.
tell me exactly why i shouldn't believe, and for that matter, what gospel is it i should be seeing? it's very angry too...which is in no way shape or form a bad thing...but the reader is just left with a strong sense of depression afterwards, and no reason to have any kind of revelation from the statement it insinuates.

i hope that helps...and remember that this was based strictly off of an unbiased opinion.

oh, and for the sake of irony - an arch dilemma.
#3
Didn't crackle and pop as much as usual (little rhyme and bland flow) but the ideas are concise and put out. Although, due to the shortness of the song, there's is little chance to really dig deeper into the idea than you've presented here.

Although the last line of verse two is so powerful to have any other verses would probably spoil it.
#4
so i guess religion is the new popular thing in S&L. you did the substance part really well, you built up to a great conclusion and your points are very fluid. what isn't very fluid is the language which is surprising because usually in your pieces i find it to be the opposite. anyways, just flower this up a tiny bit.. make it a bit more approachable and i think you'll have a really good piece. nice job.