#1
There's probably a thread like this somewhere, but searchbar didn't come up with anything

here's mine i had to write for english to explain why i was late to school

I feel that I shouldn’t be at school today
For I woke up this morning at a quarter to eight.
I sprang from my bed, but only to find
My mother and siblings had left me behind.
I called my dear mother, and to me she said,
“When I woke you this morning, you roused not from bed.”
So they wouldn’t be late, they left me at home
And then it donned on me that I was alone…
I closed all the blinds, now I don’t want to be rude,
But today would be a day where I’d run about nude.
I turned on some music and proceeded to dance.
I felt so alive moving about with no pants.
I sprang to the couch in my glorious lewd.
I grabbed the remote and turned on the tube.
I searched for a laugh, anything of the sort
And my humor was satisfied by the Colbert Report.
But then my mother called; she’d be there at ten.
My naked adventures had come to an end.
The walk to my closet was one full of sorrow.
My nudetastic quest would have to wait till tomorrow.
But if I said it was all bad, then I’d be a liar
For there’s no better feeling than warm pants from the dryer.
#2
idk, not cool unless its in sonet form....its too easy if its not
Whether I am a hungry rabbit or a frightened carrot, my home is the same.
#3
Down, Wanton, Down! by Robert Graves. its funny if you understand it. this was in my english book.

Down, wanton, down! Have you no shame
That at the whisper of Love's name,
Or Beauty's, presto! up you raise
Your angry head and stand at gaze?

Poor bombard-captain, sworn to reach
The ravelin and effect a breach--
Indifferent what you storm or why,
So be that in the breach you die!

Love may be blind, but Love at least
Knows what is man and what mere beast;
Or Beauty wayward, but requires
More delicacy from her squires.

Tell me, my witless, whose one boast
Could be your staunchness at the post,
When were you made a man of parts
To think fine and profess the arts?

Will many-gifted Beauty come
Bowing to your bald rule of thumb,
Or Love swear loyalty to your crown?
Be gone, have done! Down, wanton, down!
#4
Haiku's are hard
and sometimes they don't make sense.
refrigerator
Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out.
#5
Haikus are nice
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refridgerator

EDIT: DAMN YOU!

EDIT: And neither of ours are really haikus are they?
Last edited by Flying Couch at Apr 10, 2008,
#6
Haikus are funny
Sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

(This was the original from the Haiku thread )
Quote by Noyon999

They will be on their knees begging for mercy... But The Pit shall have no such mercy and finish them with a "HADOKEN!"


Founder of the Help UG Achieve World Domination group and Vice President of UGtopia
#9
a haiku someone in my class wrote entitle "White Death"

white, weightless masses
birds go "choke" and then they die
styrofoam is bad

maybe not the greatest but it seriously took him 15 seconds to think of that on the spot when we threw him a topic
#10
Quote by Rick27
a haiku someone in my class wrote entitle "White Death"

white, weightless masses
birds go "choke" and then they die
styrofoam is bad

maybe not the greatest but it seriously took him 15 seconds to think of that on the spot when we threw him a topic


hahaha i think i just **** myself, that was an awesome visual
#12
An old friend of mine wrote this one...called "Hippopotamus"

Hippopotamus
Hippopotamus eating
Hippopotamus.
The.
#14
Quote by IHATECHILDREN
An old friend of mine wrote this one...called "Hippopotamus"

Hippopotamus
Hippopotamus eating
Hippopotamus.
That's awesome.
#15
Bessie's Boil
A Lancashire Ballad
Read in yer best Lancaster brogue

Says I to my Missis: "Ba goom, lass! you've something I see, on your mind."
Says she: "You are right, Sam, I've something.* It 'appens it's on me be'ind.
A Boil as 'ud make Job jealous. It 'urts me no end when I sit."
Says I: "Go to 'ospittel, Missis. They might 'ave to coot it a bit."
Says she: "I just 'ate to be showin' the part of me person it's at."
Says I: "Don't be fussy; them doctors see sights more 'orrid than that."

So Misses goes off togged up tasty, and there at the 'ospittel door
They tells 'er to see the 'ouse Doctor, 'oose office is Room Thirty-four.
So she 'unts up and down till she finds it, and knocks and a voice says: "Come in,"
And there is a 'andsome young feller, in white from 'is 'eels to 'is chin.
"I've got a big boil," says my Missis. "It 'urts me for fair when I sit,
And Sam (that's me 'usband) 'as asked me to ask you to coot it a bit."
Then blushin' she plucks up her courage, and bravely she shows 'im the place,
And 'e gives it a proper inspection, wi' a 'eap o' surprise on 'is face.
Then 'e says wi' an accent o' Scotland: "Whit ye hae is a bile, Ah can feel,
But ye'd better consult the heid Dockter; they caw him Professor O'Niel.
He's special for biles and carbuncles. Ye'll find him in Room Sixty-three.
No charge, Ma'am. It's been a rare pleasure. Jist tell him ye're comin' from me."

So Misses she thanks 'im politely, and 'unts up and down as before,
Till she comes to a big 'andsome room with "Professor O'Neil" on the door.
Then once more she plucks up her courage, and knocks, and a voice says: "All right."
So she enters, and sees a fat feller wi' whiskers, all togged up in white.
"I've got a big boil," says my Missis, "and if ye will kindly permit,
I'd like for to 'ave you inspect it; it 'urts me like all when I sit."
So blushin' as red as a beet-root she 'astens to show 'im the spot,
And 'e says wi' a look o' amazement: "Sure, Ma'am, it must hurt ye a lot."
Then 'e puts on 'is specs to regard it, and finally says wi' a frown:
"I'll bet it's as sore as the divvle, especially whin ye sit down.
I think it's a case for the Surgeon; ye'd better consult Doctor Hoyle.
I've no hisitation in sayin' yer boil is a hill of a boil."

So Misses she thanks 'im for sayin' her boil is a hill of a boil,
And 'unts all around till she comes on a door that is marked: "Doctor Hoyle."
But by now she 'as fair got the wind up, and trembles in every limb;
But she thinks: "After all, 'e's a Doctor. Ah moosn't be bashful wi' 'im."
She's made o' good stuff is the Missis, so she knocks and a voice says: "Oos there?"
"It's me," says ma Bessie, an' enters a room which is spacious and bare.
And a wise-lookin' old feller greets 'er, and 'e too is togged up in white.
"It's the room where they coot ye," thinks Bessie; and shakes like a jelly wi' fright.

"Ah got a big boil," begins Missis, "and if ye are sure you don't mind,
I'd like ye to see it a moment. It 'urts me, because it's be'ind."
So thinkin' she'd best get it over, she 'astens to show 'im the place,
And 'e stares at 'er kindo surprised like, an' gets very red in the face.
But 'e looks at it most conscientious, from every angle of view,
Then 'e says wi' a shrug o' 'is shoulders: "Pore Lydy, I'm sorry for you.
It wants to be cut, but you should 'ave a medical bloke to do that.
Sye, why don't yer go to the 'orsespittel, where all the Doctors is at?
Ye see, Ma'am, this part o' the buildin' is closed on account o' repairs;
Us fellers is only the pynters, a-pyntin' the 'alls and the stairs."

--- Robert Service*
Word has it that Ronald Reagan and Maggie would sit, do shots, and recite this and many more poems by this famous poet...
__________________
aka, Possum Head on /b
#16
Fleas

Adam
Had 'em.


I like that one.
An Augmented 4th or a Diminished 5th?


Quote by I.O.T.M
You, fine sir, have impeccable taste.


Ahhhh Yuck Fou.
#18
We gave you a chance
To water the plants
We didn't mean that way
Now zip up your pants

-Shel Silverstein
#19
Ther once was a man from nantucket
let's just say the rumors about him were greatly exaggerated


There once was a man from peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
while dreaming of venus
and playing with his penis
he woke up with a hand full of goo

some girls copied my handwriting and wrote that on a peice of paper, then planted it on a chair, and the teacher thought it was mine.... i got an A for it...
#20
Quote by Telecaster7
Ther once was a man from nantucket
let's just say the rumors about him were greatly exaggerated




I like this one.
#22
Quote by daytripper75
Down, Wanton, Down! by Robert Graves. its funny if you understand it. this was in my english book.

Down, wanton, down! Have you no shame
That at the whisper of Love's name,
Or Beauty's, presto! up you raise
Your angry head and stand at gaze?

Poor bombard-captain, sworn to reach
The ravelin and effect a breach--
Indifferent what you storm or why,
So be that in the breach you die!

Love may be blind, but Love at least
Knows what is man and what mere beast;
Or Beauty wayward, but requires
More delicacy from her squires.

Tell me, my witless, whose one boast
Could be your staunchness at the post,
When were you made a man of parts
To think fine and profess the arts?

Will many-gifted Beauty come
Bowing to your bald rule of thumb,
Or Love swear loyalty to your crown?
Be gone, have done! Down, wanton, down!

Story of my life.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#23
The breeze was blowing softly
It made the flowers sway
The garden looked so lovely
On this encahnted day
And then I saw a little bird
With a beautiful yellow bill
I beckoned him to come and play
Upon my windowsill
I smiled at him cheerfully
And gave him a crust of bread
Then I quickly closed the window
and smashed his fvcking head
Like punk the way it used to be? Deranged Youth Its like what Warped Tour should be!

Want to hear something mind-blowing? Pit O' Bodies Its like an amateur hypnotist plus the Spanish Inquisition!
#24
A little haiku:

A delicate girl
I came blood inside of her
Choking on the clot.

Adapted from... well i suppose y'all can guess.
My Gear
Schecter Revenger
Some old Marshall practice amp
Zoom G2.1Nu
Vox Satchurator
Dunlop GCB95 Crybaby

Every day sends future to past
Every step brings me closer to my last

#26
On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
And the Monkeys all say Boo!
There's a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang!
And you just can't catch 'em when they do!
So it's Ning Nang Nong!
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning!
Trees go Ping!
Nong Ning Nang!
The mice go Clang!

What a noisy place to belong,
Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!
Hull City A.F.C

Quote by Thrashtastic15
crunkym toy diuckl;ess ass ****igkjn ****** **** bitch ass pussy ****er douchecanoe ****** **** you s omn cnt you lieet le biutch
#27
Quote by Telecaster7
Ther once was a man from nantucket
let's just say the rumors about him were greatly exaggerated


There once was a man from peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
while dreaming of venus
and playing with his penis
he woke up with a hand full of goo

some girls copied my handwriting and wrote that on a peice of paper, then planted it on a chair, and the teacher thought it was mine.... i got an A for it...

That is BRILLIANT
#28
There are poems (serious ones) in my swedish book like this: (but on swedish)

"Hi, me row boat.
Very fun.
I am man.
Sitting in boat.
Wondering why man.
Why me?"

Seriously wtf.
Quote by Carmel
You are a redeeming feature for the UG Swedish population.


All-riiight.
#29
Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And Id like to take a minute just sit right there
Ill tell you how I became the prince of a town called bel-air

In west philadelfia born and raised
On the playground where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys said were up in no good
Started making trouble in my neighbourhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
And said youre moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air

(only the first three episodes of season one)

I begged and pleaded with her the other day
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave me a kissin and she gave me my ticket
I put my walkman on and said I might aswell kick it

First class, yo this is bad,
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass
Is this what the people of bel-air livin like,
Hmm this might be alright!

I whistled for a cab and when it came near the
Licensplate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabby yo, home smell you later
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air
...In my opinion.
#30
Quote by IHATECHILDREN
An old friend of mine wrote this one...called "Hippopotamus"

Hippopotamus
Hippopotamus eating
Hippopotamus.

christ, I had three seperate laughing bursts at that.
-

#31
Quote by Blaster Bob
No one got this one yet?

There once was a man from Nantucket...

Shame on you for not posting the whole limerick!

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose d*ck was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a c*nt i would f*ck it
#32
If bunnies were blue and could fly to Peru,
Nobody would know where those silly bunnies flew

Over the hills, into the seas
Now they are crashing into tall trees

Whee! They say as they fly
They fly so high they die.


Written in second grade..........I was a troubled kid
E-Married to Eddie4President

ARMENIAN


Quote by VANGELIS!
Ya, my mom walked in on me taking a **** into my coffee mug when I was 23. There was a spider in the bathroom and I was too scared to go in


Quote by angusfan16
I'll join. I have a vagina.