#1
Okay, this is my first attempt at writing a song, so don't kill me.
I guess it's heavy metal. The first two stanzas would have clean vocals with a clean guitar backing it up. The rest of it would be with death growls, I guess. Crit4Crit. Let me know what you think.

Time, it seeps through your hands
Like a towering mountain of sand
Dusk passes as the day is done
I gaze up at the fading sun

Life's similar to a water wheel
Same old story same old deal
Living as robots day after day
We can't keep living life this way

Pointless repetition, endless monotony
Why do we continue life this way
An echo of daily life will not suffice

Constant reocurrence
Reiteration
Replication
(Repeat stanza 3x)

Must life be this way?
We must learn to live again
and not exclude ourself from life
As time elapses
We find ourselves
Committing to the same old routine
Expiration of body and mind
Variety that most never find

This passing time

It all makes sense
We're capable of beauty
Through sounds that make on cringe
The dogs only hear us now

#2
its ok u said heavy metal
like screaming throaty roar metal??????
Quote by Jackal58
That's the thing though. What can you do to a group of people that believe if they abandon their cause they will burn in hell?

yeah imma troll

whatcha gon do bout it?
#4
pretty good for a first song. I can imagine it being sung the way you said. I agree with heavyairship about the forced rhymes and flow. but other than that it's good
#6
this works really good with the wording. the rhyming and such works well. I like the theme and the flow. well done!
#7
Nice
a job certainly well done
i,too,write about inner struggle and this is 1 of the best i've ever seen for starters,if not the best ...
the words "life this way" has been repeated twice ... which is not really good ... but Hey tha's my opinion ... other than that this is an awesome first attempt ... really great ... and i think inner struggle is 1 of the hardest theme to dwell for a starter but u have done pretty well ...
clean guitars yea ?! thats good ...
In my head the vocals for these songs would be somewhat as the same for the song " come clarity" by In flames ... those vocals would sound wicked for this great piece ...
anyways that was my opinion .... keep writing sweet stuff like this man
Btw am a beginner myself lol ... i just posted my first song ... like 4 5 hours ago ... its called 21st November ... give it a look ... but certainly its nothing compared to this masterpiece (no jokes)
later