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#1
ok i got one to start it off

what do you call hooker that gets raped?


shoplifting
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
#3
Hah, on that topic,

What are free Tennessee hookers?

Volunteers.

My Tennessee fan friend told me that.
Signature temporarily empty
#4
What's the difference between a dentist and a sadist?
Newer magazines.

How do you get a trumpet section to play fortissimo?
Write 'mp' on their sheet music.
Quote by shattamakar
The only advantage of home-schooling is that it gives you good reason to commit suicide.


Hit this once or twice, and you'll be twice as nice.
#5
Quote by gnrliesmanlies
i can give you jokes that i would go to hell for saying but i dont think i wall tell them

someone told me this one yesterday it was weird he was like so im ****ing a guy in the ass and he turns around and grabs my balls and i say what are you gay
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
#6
Why was the Blonde snorting Sweet and Low?


She thought it was diet coke.


/idiocy
#7
Can we post catch lines or whatever here, too? Because I got one.


Can I call you morsecode? Because I'd so tap that.
#8
Why did the chicken cross the road?


To get to the other side.
O O O O O O O O O O
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O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
#9
Three men, a black guy, a mexican, and a white guy, are walking down the road when they come across a genie, who tells them that he'll grant each of them one wish. The black guy says, "I wish that myself and all of my black brothers and sisters were happy, and back in Africa." Just like that, all the Black people in America go back to Africa.

The Mexican says, "I wish that myself and all of my Mexican brothers and sisters were happy, and back in Mexico." Then, just like that, all the Mexicans in America go back to Mexico.

The white guy says "Wait.. so all the black people and Mexicans are out of America?"

"Yes," the genie says.

"Oh... well, I guess I'll have a coke, then."

Old, but still my favorite. My apologies if you're black or hispanic.
#11
There was once this hot blonde girl who went out to get her dress dry-cleaned. She went up to the guy and said "Excuse me, but do you think you can get this stain out?" The guy looks at her and says "Come again?" She replies, "No, it's mustard this time."
Gear
Schecter C-1 Artist
Vox AD15VT
Epiphone EJ-200 Acoustic
#12
Quote by blackflag49
What kind of horses are nocturnal?

Nightmares.

HAHAHAHA
HAHAHA
HAHAHAHA


i loled
Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the cake this morning!

yeah, that's an inside joke. i made it different colors and sizes to be obnoxious...
#13
why do they have trees in harlem


transportation
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
#16
Quote by blackflag49
What kind of horses are nocturnal?

Nightmares.

HAHAHAHA
HAHAHA
HAHAHAHA

best one here.

with honorable mention to boondock saints.
.
..
...
I have no opinion on this matter.
#17
Quote by SmarterChild
So, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape...

i laughed
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
#19
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?


Hand her a shovel.
Telecaster - SG - Jaguar
Princeton Reverb, Extra Reverb
P-Bass - Mustang Bass
Apogee Duet 2 - Ableton Suite
#20
how do you save a black person from drowning?


take your foot off the back of his head


no offense
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
#22
Quote by SmarterChild
So, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape...





So a little boy is walking down a dark, long alley at night, and meets up halfway down with a Pedophile. The little boy askes the pedo "can you hold my hand? I'm scared" and the pedo replies "YOU'RE scared? I gotta walk outta here alone!!"

#23
Quote by the chemist



So a little boy is walking down a dark, long alley at night, and meets up halfway down with a Pedophile. The little boy askes the pedo "can you hold my hand? I'm scared" and the pedo replies "YOU'RE scared? I gotta walk outta here alone!!"


ha


i got one what would dick cheney say if he was told 2/3 of americans oppose the war


"So"


true story
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
#24
Quote by reedplaysgeetar
how do you save a black person from drowning?


take your foot off the back of his head


no offense

I got no problem with black jokes, but only when the deal with stereotypes and fried chicken. Lynching is not funny ever.


That said;


A guy walks into a bar and says ouch.
#27
Here's one, it's long though, and a military joke,
A very stern Colonel is at a party. Now being a man who takes his profession very seriously, and having commanded, hundreds of men, the Colonel, has a constant, intense, ready for action look on his face. A young lady at the party sees our hero, and walks across the room too him. She looks at the Colonel and says " Sir, you look so dissatisfied, and I think I know why,", She proceeds to ask our hero, "when was the last time you had sex", to which he responded, "1950", the young lady, then takes him into another room, were they proceed to have sex multiple times. A few minutes after getting dressed, the Colonel, leaves the room, glances at his watch, reading 2100, and says, "good god, I love military time."
#28
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Scissor.
Scissor who?
Scissor wallet.

Don't worry, I don't get it either.
#30
Quote by gnrliesmanlies
i lol'd

Higho!!!!
#31
how do u make a hormone?

dont pay her

stole it from a friend
Sincerely,
Shitstirrer
#33
Quote by Sid McCall
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?


Hand her a shovel.

hilarious, i loled there
#34
What happens when you reach your arm in a jar full of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch.
#35
ok i got a story not a joke but its still funny the other day at lunch i sit at a table with someone who got caught with drugs so i guess some principles and his guidance counsler sit at the table sit right next to ours and i was just like cussed really loud and his guidance counsler says excuse me what language are you using and i say idk english
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
#36
Quote by emagdnimasisiht
Is it too early for dead baby jokes?

It's never too early for dead baby jokes!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

I don't **** a sandwich before I eat it.


What sound does a baby make when you put it into a blender?

Dunno, I was too busy jacking off.
#37
Quote by reedplaysgeetar
ok i got a story not a joke but its still funny the other day at lunch i sit at a table with someone who got caught with drugs so i guess some principles and his guidance counsler sit at the table sit right next to ours and i was just like cussed really loud and his guidance counsler says excuse me what language are you using and i say idk english



LMAO
#38
One chilly and mesmerizing night I rolled onto my back, looked up at the stars, and thought....


....WHERE THE FUCK DID MY CEILING GO????
They say the old woman's got the wisdom
'Cause she couldn't read the clock anymore
She said "The numbers don't represent the moments"
Says she don't see what all the ticking's for
#39
Quote by magnus_maximus

I ran 3 miles today. Finally, I jusat said "fine, lady, keep your bag".

I played poker with tarot cardfs, last night. I got a full house and 4 people died...

i lol at those two
Quote by HaKattack
Woman tone, eh?

Set treble to PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DONE
Mids to YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST
Bass to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MAKE ME A SANDWICH"?
Gain to NOT TONIGHT, I HAVE A HEADACHE.

starter of the nadsat group
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