#1
This is a song i made, i'd love to hear your opinion, im a really bad songwriter.

verse 1
from where i came to where i go
I've always walk where the bridge is low
But this time you can trust I'll show
I promise not to let you down I hope

I'm the seatbelt of your two faced life
At day your a human night makes you play with knife
Your dark years must come to an end
but battlefield of yours you still defend

Chorus
your a blood sucking vampire of the world
trusty looking eyes and hair all curled
your all that forms everything so sad
you don't even have mercy for little girl's dad

verse2
everything you do is filled with black
the world is covered with your potato sack
nothing can't stop it that's what you think
it is all still going to change in one single blink

Your second hand words won't bite my ears
I have heard it all to joy to fears
my paralytic mind from far beyond
the sound of my speak may sound fond
but it is a death respond

bridge
pull the trigger and feel the blast
it's all stopped to a crash at last
secret of your is now finally burned
but the ground isn't yet turned
鋼の錬金術師
#2
The opening stanza is the stanza which i felt had the most quality and structure, with evan flow and some nice ideas.

The first line in the second stanza is interesting but, it doesn't quit flow as well as the first.

In the third im not sure about, "you don't even have mercy for little girl's dad" it devalued the material for me, and didn't keep with the dark side of its theme.

The fourth has a nice dark feeling first line, but when i read "the world is covered with your potato sack" i could not take this part seriously, with a title "Blood sucking vampire" i wasn't expecting anything to do with a potato or potato sack, maybe try something a little more relevant.

I thought the last two, were a little rushed together and it was an ending for an endings sake, and it didn't really tie a knot on what was happening.

Overall, i thought it was a good idea and started well, but i got a little lost the more i read, some of the words used i felt were a little inappropriate considering the theme was about a blood sucking vampire, but it had some punchy impact and interesting lines.
#3
i tried to describe with blood sucking vampire people who utilise other people and are pain in the ass for community. yeah ill try fix those lyrics a bit in someparts and thanks for your criticism
鋼の錬金術師