#1
frost controls the street and the pizza parlor's closed
i'm empty like the city, like the scottish piper i stand alone
pull out a cigarette and light it 'neath my shirt
taste it for the warmth and blow the smoke out like dirt.
and all the money i once spent means nothing to me now
all i need is shelter's stand, to pull me up out of this world
the way i shiver in the wind, you'd think i had something to lose
you think i'd care about the time, crime, or disaster on the news
but i'm a cripple on his feet, a poet on the beat, one more man on the street

I rise in the morning and breath in the fresh air
straighten out my tie and straighten out my hair
head over to the cafe, ask a guy there for some change
he hands it over reluctantly and looks at me as if i'm strange
i head up to the counter, and i'm staring at the girl
once upon a time i would have bought her a diamond, a pearl, a light
and asked to take her out at night, show her all the world
but i just can't compete, i order coffee and a sweet, one more man on the street

people speak of presidents and politics and votes
people speak of currency, of bankers cheques and notes
people speak of parties and celebrations and new clothes
people speak of relationships, of love and kiss and exchanging a red rose
i speak of the night, i speak of the past
i speak of the loser, of the bottom, i speak of the last
i speak of the men, who couldn't stand the fight
i'll always pick the left, over the right
i'm the kid on the bus without a seat, a bed with hypnotic sheets, one more man on the street

i'm a cripple upon his feet, a poet on the beat, one more man on the street,
i just can't compete, i order coffee and a sweet, i'm one more man on the street.

recording - http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/skagitup/
#2
Quote by skagitup
frost controls the street and the pizza parlor's closed
i'm empty like the city, like the scottish piper i stand alone
pull out a cigarette and light it 'neath my shirt
taste it for the warmth and blow the smoke out like dirt.
and all the money i once spent means nothing to me now
This one line I adored, Alex.
all i need is shelter's stand, to pull me up out of this world
"shhelters stand" seemed unusual.
the way i shiver in the wind, you'd think i had something to lose
you think i'd care about the time, crime, or disaster on the news
but i'm a cripple on his feet, a poet on the beat, one more man on the street

I rise in the morning and breath in the fresh air
straighten out my tie and straighten out my hair
head over to the cafe, ask a guy there for some change
he hands it over reluctantly and looks at me as if i'm strange
i head up to the counter, and i'm staring at the girl
once upon a time i would have bought her a diamond, a pearl, a light
"a light" feels tacked on really.
and asked to take her out at night, show her all the world
but i just can't compete, i order coffee and a sweet, one more man on the street

people speak of presidents and politics and votes
people speak of currency, of bankers cheques and notes
people speak of parties and celebrations and new clothes
people speak of relationships, of love and kiss and exchanging a red rose
i speak of the night, i speak of the past
i speak of the loser, of the bottom, i speak of the last
i speak of the men, who couldn't stand the fight
i'll always pick the left, over the right
i'm the kid on the bus without a seat, a bed with hypnotic sheets, one more man on the street

i'm a cripple upon his feet, a poet on the beat, one more man on the street,
i just can't compete, i order coffee and a sweet, i'm one more man on the street.

recording - http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/skagitup/


Enjoyable.

I always like how you use a good deal of images in your piece, but unlike some they all link in with the message/story you are telling.

So, this was a lame crit, wasn't it?

I'm off to learn some guitar.
#3
Not a lame crit at all, Jamie. I agree with the light line being tacked on, it's just the rhyme really helps the melody.

The way you add ", Alex" on to certain sentences gives me the chills. Makes me feel like i'm being lectured by a teacher or something

Thanks for the thoughts. Appreciated as always, i'll get to one of yours.

And this wasn't a bump. It was already top of the list.
#4
I have nothing constructive to add and I know you posted this a while ago but I've just found it and had to tell you how much i love these lyrics
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#5
I return to this place to read people like you.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching