#1
Everything was going as well as it possibly could
Compared to the rest of my life it was 100 times more than good
stepped in another, suddenly it all fell
now i swear im a damned jailcell in hell.

The future holds my enemies,
The past holds my friends.
I wont just get down on my knees.
I know that this cannot be the end.

You were the one that stood my side,
I was the one that saw us die.
If only we could get back on our feet,
I know this is an obstacle we can defeat.

Now i'm going in face first
'Cause my life could not get any worse
And I know what embarassment is,
I've gotta find some way to lift this curse.

I'd like to see you walk a day in my shoes
I know you would crumble and die
I just whish that you only knew,
What its like to live my life.

I just want to end it all,
but i cant take the fall('cause theres still hope)
I pray and pray for this life to get better
but god's forgotten me here(I'll never cope)
#2
Quote by xByxBlood+Tears
Everything was going as well as it possibly could
Compared to the rest of my life it was 100 times more than good
That line just seems too long - it doesn't fit. And something in me just hates that "100 times more than good."
stepped in another, suddenly it all fell
Another what? Maybe put a noun in there? A hole?
now i swear im a damned jailcell in hell.

The future holds my enemies,
The past holds my friends.
I really love those first two lines, but the rest of this stanza doesn't quite hold up. I can't really put my finger on it, though.
I wont just get down on my knees.
I know that this cannot be the end.

You were the one that stood my side,
I was the one that saw us die.
If only we could get back on our feet,
I know this is an obstacle we can defeat.
This stanza is pretty good. The only thing I would change is maybe say "one hurdle" instead of "an obstacle" but that's just me.

Now i'm going in face first
Maybe say "head first" instead?
'Cause my life could not get any worse
And I know what embarassment is,
I've gotta find some way to lift this curse.

I'd like to see you walk a day in my shoes
I know you would crumble and die
I just whish that you only knew,
What its like to live my life.
I like this stanza, but something about the length of each line seems off. Maybe make line 3 a bit longer?

I just want to end it all,
but i cant take the fall('cause theres still hope)
I pray and pray for this life to get better
but god's forgotten me here(I'll never cope)
I don't think you need to repeat "and pray".. But that's a minor thing. Overall this is a really good piece, a couple minor edits I'd like to see, but it's very well written and conveys its message very well.


Nice job.