#1
This is a story I wrote like 5 years ago, just found it on my computer. So I thought I would give UG's Horny and probably Overweight members a story to read.

A Boy Named Jerome

One day little Jerome was walking through the streets of downtown Toronto when he was approached by a large mobster named Mario. Mario told him he had 24 hours to live.

Jerome asked "why do I only have 24 hours to live?"

Mario replied "Because I heard you have been selling some bad crack at the corner of Jane and Finch."

Jerome argued that he was not a drug dealer, but to no use. Mario was going to kill him in 24 hours anyways.

Jerome, now extremely sad that he only had 24 hours of life left to live, went and cried in the back of a dark alleyway. As he was sobbing, a strange man approached him. He turned around and asked "are you here to let me know that I’m going to die soon too?

"no" the man replied "I heard you were selling crack and I want some"

"why the fuck does everyone think I'm a crack dealer" Jerome said angrily "get the fuck outta here"

So Jerome gathered all of his courage and headed down to the subway station. "I need to get out of this damned city" he said. Just as he was about to board there was an announcement over the PA system. "I'm sorry to report, but the subways have been shut down due to the immense terrorist threat. "man what the fuck is going on here, why is everyone against me?" shouted Jerome, to no one in particular.

So Jerome, now down to 12 hours of remaining life, decided he should make the most of it. The first thing he did was go downtown and picked up a hooker named Miranda. Then they went back to his place and fucked. It was the wildest, craziest sex that anybody has ever had. After his massive orgasm, he went to the most expensive restaurant in town and ordered everything on the menu. after his feast, when he got the bill (which was $123456789.00) he made a huge scene, spat in the waiter's pants, and ran out of the restaurant like a rabid wilda beast.

He now had only two hours left. He decided to take a long walk around the block. As he was walking he looked around and saw all the little children playing, so he thought himself "I guess it's better me than them, I mean, they have so much to live for." As he was nearing the end of his walk, he saw a big thug stealing an old lady's purse. He started to chase the man, who he was much faster than. Right as he caught him, the man whirled around and roundhouse kicked him in the face, he then realized that it was Chuck Norris! He was instantly terrified because he knew that no one could amount to Chuck Norris' Godliness. So Chuck Norris beat the absolute shit out of him, leaving him with a cracked femur and a malignant tumor.

With one hour left, Jerome went and joined some Jamaicans hot-boxing in their van. He smoked so many joints that he started crying and wishing that his mommy would come and give him some warm milk. “Yaaaah mon!!” they all cheered. So he then left the Jamaicans because they had to go fly Air Jamaica.

So as he was walking down the street, he found a magic lamp. He thought to himself “I’ve read about thing like this, if I rub this lamp, a genie should pop out!”. So after furiously rubbing the lamp for about 5 minutes, a genie appeared “MY NAME IS LEBRON JAMES!!!!! I AM THE KING OF THE GENIES!!!!!! YOU HAVE THREE WISHES”.

“I wish I wasn’t going to die!” Jerome said excitedly

“YOUR WISH IS GRAN-“ and before he could finish, Mario came out of nowhere and killed him with a machete

“OH FUCK!” shouted Jerome.

“Your 24 hours are over, you must now feel the penalty of death”. Mario said, with a look of death in his eyes. “any last words?” he added

“Yes” said Jerome “I think these last 24 hours have taught me that when a big mobster named Mario appears and tells you will die in 24 hours, you need to make the most of it. I have accomplished more in these last 24 hours than I have in my entire life. So if you still want to kill someone who had finally learned enough about life to understand it, then go ahead, I’m ready”.

“Awww, what a lovely speech” said Mario “now you must die”.

And then he killed him.

The End.

Moral of the story: Don’t sell crack on the corner of Jane and Finch.
Quote by alteredstates
If you are rowing down the road in your canoe and your wagon wheel falls off. How many pancakes does it take to make a doghouse?

Green, because a vest has no sleeves.

Can't we all just get a bong?
#4
Quote by lotsofvolume
Woah.
Interesting read.


Thanks lol.

By the way, Your avatar is mesmerizing, for lack of a better word.
Quote by alteredstates
If you are rowing down the road in your canoe and your wagon wheel falls off. How many pancakes does it take to make a doghouse?

Green, because a vest has no sleeves.

Can't we all just get a bong?
#5
LOL WUT?
if only i wouldn't get banned for posting the picture...
oh well, good story anyways.
Gear:
Fender Hot Rod Deville 2x12
Custom Built Guitar (made it myself)
PRS SE Soapbar II Maple
Fender Stratacoustic (Stolen! )
Digitech RP200
Boss MT-2
Roland Microcube
I like my stuff!
#6
stop right now. its just too silly. if you dont stop I will end the film.
We walked into the night

Am I to bid you farewell?


Why can't you see that I try
When every tear I shed


Is for you?
#9
hahhaha, I only read the last part, but it was very funny. And yeah man, Jane and Finch is one scary ass place. I've driven through it, and it wasn't comforting at all.
Be cool.
#10
Nice story, I read it and all I can think is;

"My name is Jerome,
I'm dealing bad crack,
Thanks for the notice,
One day to live.

Come and buy and ounce,
Just don't overdose,
It might cost alot,
Unless you want to suck me.

You may like to snort,
Or even smoke this stuff,
Just don't snort too much,
Or you'll get a nosebleed.

Mario came right on time,
Dimebags are only a dime,
I said "Hey man, this'll take you all the way!"
Of course you're willing to pay!"
Quote by blackenedktulu
CFH82, I love you. I didn't laugh, but my god, I love you.

Quote by Zero-Hartman
Holy shit, that was epic. A mighty roar escapeth'd my mouth.

Quote by WyvernOmega
I saw a penis.

last.fm
#11
Quote by CFH82
Nice story, I read it and all I can think is;

"My name is Jerome,
I'm dealing bad crack,
Thanks for the notice,
One day to live.

Come and buy and ounce,
Just don't overdose,
It might cost alot,
Unless you want to suck me.

You may like to snort,
Or even smoke this stuff,
Just don't snort too much,
Or you'll get a nosebleed.

Mario came right on time,
Dimebags are only a dime,
I said "Hey man, this'll take you all the way!"
Of course you're willing to pay!"


Did you just like, make that up?
Quote by alteredstates
If you are rowing down the road in your canoe and your wagon wheel falls off. How many pancakes does it take to make a doghouse?

Green, because a vest has no sleeves.

Can't we all just get a bong?
#12
Quote by andy_thomas
Did you just like, make that up?


It took about 4 minutes. I guess that can be considered the first song I've ever written... or parodied, which ever that would be.
Quote by blackenedktulu
CFH82, I love you. I didn't laugh, but my god, I love you.

Quote by Zero-Hartman
Holy shit, that was epic. A mighty roar escapeth'd my mouth.

Quote by WyvernOmega
I saw a penis.

last.fm
#13
^That was awesome. I might have to make that into a song.
Quote by alteredstates
If you are rowing down the road in your canoe and your wagon wheel falls off. How many pancakes does it take to make a doghouse?

Green, because a vest has no sleeves.

Can't we all just get a bong?
#14
Just replace the lyrics in "My Name Is Jonas" and you're good
Quote by blackenedktulu
CFH82, I love you. I didn't laugh, but my god, I love you.

Quote by Zero-Hartman
Holy shit, that was epic. A mighty roar escapeth'd my mouth.

Quote by WyvernOmega
I saw a penis.

last.fm