This is the first song, ive ever fully wrote a vocal melody for and im trying to write lyrics for it. Its supposed to be a story about an addict who loses his/her closest friends.
Im also thinking on making it longer, maybe.

Tell me what you think, crit 4 crit.

EDIT: I spiced up the verses a little bit, labeled everything, and completed lyrics, they are in GP5. this is my first time writing lyrics, so tell me what you think.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Last edited by dontbestupid47 at Apr 13, 2008,
Dude, this was pretty cool.
In a way it reminded me of Muse, dunno if they were any sort of inspiration or not.
The strings in the chorus (vocal melody?) was pretty awesome.
The harmonization in the bridge was cool too, as was the intro.
I la-la-love the outro riff at bar 119, it was a cool outro.
All I can say is maybe put some variation in verses (i dunno if you have a vocal melody or not for them), other than that, awesome.

9.5/10 to you as well, sick stuff.
thanks for the crit, i made the verses more exciting, and added lyrics to the vocal track. Oh yea and i labeled everything too.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
crit and listen....

good sturdy intro, nice beat

intresting, the next part, almost dancy, i like it

almost epic chorus, good one

interlude, good, but maybe fade the guitars out at the beginning? it would make a smoother transition - ooh, this is good, getting dreamy

solo - i dont like it, but its good! its trippy, but intricate, good one

outro, nice and sad, but again, fade out the guitars

overall - i like it - a lot =] the vocal line doesnt feel like a vocal line, it feels more of a strings part, how about making that a tad fuller? keep the vocal track by all means

10/10 =]
Really well done.

I liked the main chorus guitar riffs. The drumming was very well done, good beats and timings, some nice fills.

That strange interlude part was interesting as well.

I liked the outro as well, it sounded like a very logical progression. I don't know how much I liked the solo, but again thats taste I guess.

Overall an easy 9/10, very creative.
the lyrics were not amazing, but they also didn't suck. It was kind of a happy medium although some of it is pretty predictable or cliche.

otherwise, the music was awesome.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...

...You're still disappointing them...