#1
The Last Nice Guy On Planet Earth

The last nice guy on earth and me sit drinking coffee together;
we're both watching the world go by, the view from his chair is rare and different.
But I'm not jealous. And he's not my idol.

'Cause Jesus Christ! who's mad enough to be a saint?
it's asking for trouble and doesn't he know that he's driveing me mad?
I'm so frustrated, because he smiles like a child.

He doesn't even know he's so unique, it wouldn't bother him.
I'm drinking a black coffee and so is he, but he drinks it better.
I wish he'd realize, the world isn't for good people.

As we're leaving he tries to pay but i don't let him.
I think it's just to prove a point yet he couldn't care less if it keeps me happy.
Too much gain = Ears in pain
Last edited by Nic Play Guitar at Apr 13, 2008,
#4
Interesting idea. Quite good content.

While I know this is supposed to be free-verse and "flowy" I can't help but feel it could benefit from some sort of structure. As it is, it drags on instead of reading like it should. I don't have time to go into it now, but consider adding some from of structure, some more line breaks etc... I think it will benefit the piece tremendously, because as it is it feels like a chore to read it, but its worth reading.
#5
well bro... all due respect... but put somethin about it bein poetry so i dont waste my ****in time readin it
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#6
He doesn't even know he's so unique, it wouldn't bother him.
I'm drinking a black coffee and so is he, but he drinks it better.


I just need to say that this line is pretty much amazing, to me. Like, I wish I had wrote it. Good job.
#7
Quote by Thomasoman
I just need to say that this line is pretty much amazing, to me. Like, I wish I had wrote it. Good job.



Dude... what are you smokin? that sucked
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#8
but it did help.... im tellin him it sucked... and to think harder or write better sh*t... so blow me
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#9
Yeahh, don't listen to this guy. He's a ****, and this piece had some really great lines.
#10
The Last Nice Guy On Planet Earth - Re-Revised

The last nice guy on earth and me sit drinking coffee together;
we're both watching the world go by.
The view from his chair is rare and different,
but I'm not jealous, and he's not my idol.

'Cause Jesus Christ!
Who's mad enough to be a saint?
it's asking for trouble!
Doesn't he know that he's driveing me mad?
His childish smile is so frustrating.

He doesn't even know he's so unique;
it wouldn't bother him at all.
I'm drinking a black coffee and so is he,
but he drinks it better.
I wish he'd realize, the world isn't for good people.

As we're leaving he tries to pay but i don't let him.
I think it's just to prove a point yet he couldn't care less if it keeps me happy.


Did the best i could to split the lines, I still prefer the original but maybe I'm bias. Does this seem to flow better?
Too much gain = Ears in pain
Last edited by Nic Play Guitar at Apr 13, 2008,
#11
Quote by Nic Play Guitar
The Last Nice Guy On Planet Earth - Revised

The last nice guy on earth and me sit drinking coffee together;
we're both watching the world go by,
the view from his chair is rare and different.
But I'm not jealous. And he's not my idol.

Alright, basic revisions on this. Period behind "by" and comma after "different" un-cap "but."

'Cause Jesus Christ!
Who's mad enough to be a saint?
it's asking for trouble!
Doesn't he know that he's driving me mad?
I'm so frustrated,
because he smiles like a child.

Take out the fourth line... I think its a bit too much. Also, I think it helps flow through this section.

He doesn't even know he's so unique;
it wouldn't bother him at all.
I'm drinking a black coffee and so is he,
but he drinks it better.
I wish he'd realize, the world isn't for good people.

As we're leaving he tries to pay but i don't let him.
I think it's just to prove a point yet he couldn't care less if it keeps me happy.



I really like this piece. It's struck such a personal and relate-able chord with me. And yes, I like it MUCH better in this structure. It aids the ideas and helps us read it much more smoothly.

Good work again.
#12
Quote by popeye100
but it did help.... im tellin him it sucked... and to think harder or write better sh*t... so blow me


everyones got their own opinion.

This will happen so get used to it.

But don't let anyone change your mind....write for yourself....and not for this blow me jerk.
K?

keep up the art.
.