#1


it's a wet sunday afternoon
4.32 pm
rain tapping out a rhythm on the windows
not something i'd tap my feet to.
open a beer out of spite
at myself
or someone else
hoping the green glass reads like a change
from all the grey in the world
grey skies
grey people
all doing grey things
it's enough to drive a man to suicide
or perhaps it already did
non-descript body standing on the edge
briefcase in hand
praying his life ain't gonna flash before him
a house he lost to the first wife
children he lost to the second
an unhappy struggle for paternity rights
before she moved away to sydney
never gave an address.
maybe she found a man in the sunshine
got a tan and a facelift
fell into some money
sent the kids to all the right schools
while he spent the days in a rented apartment
mindless
wishing that his spine would break -
separate his spirit from his limbs
so he could work his dead end job
stack paper, sort files
without ever having to think a thing.
perhaps he jumped
was reincarnated behind my eyes
and i adopted his fifty years of boredom
lost love
failed marriages
soul destroying jobs
crying quietly in the corner of a strip joint
counting out sleeping pills
never having the courage
they're all hiding somewhere in my skull
he sees me suck at a beer
shouts advice that i can't hear
stuck in his own hell
watching it happen all over again
and after me
another.
millions of people crawling around in shit
all over the world
masking their fear with beer
or whisky or wine
too afraid to set their own course
to clearer skies.
he doesn't know i'm different yet

he hasn't seen me pick up a pen.





love is a dog from hell.



#3
Yeah that last line was a good closer.

I can't always help but think your pieces would be such a better read on the whole if you whittled out the not-so-greatand the flaky lines. Sometimes you can get a bit stuffy when I just want your ****ing awesomeness.

So yeah. I really enjoyed this read on the whole, but like I said, there was some flakyness.
#5
just about everyone says great to a lot of art...but i i can honestly say this is one of the better ones I have liked.
.
#6
hoping the green glass reads like a change
from all the grey in the world
grey skies
grey people
all doing grey things


I think would have been better if it was shorter, punchier.

lost love
failed marriages
soul destroying jobs
crying quietly in the corner of a strip joint
counting out sleeping pills
never having the courage


Again probably the same, because you have basically already told us about this bloke.

Maybe it's just me (it probably is).
#7

I don't really think it would be the same without those lines though. The ones that seem redundant are the ones that bulk it up, bu not in bad way. They stop it from being so peaky.




love is a dog from hell.